# Teaching Opportunity or Lesson in Futility?



## ksmama10 (Sep 17, 2012)

Our eldest son, DIL, and grandson moved in with us last week so he could look for work and relocate to our area. They are on government assistance, including food stamps. He is 22, and she is 20. Neither are proficient in cooking, let alone meal planning in any way. She has expressed interest in cooking, but they didnt bring much in the way of food staples, and all I've seen them buy here is junk. They don't drink water..he grew up on our well water, but has decided it tastes bad; it doesn't. 
Son has told me they wanted me to use some of their food stamps to help offset the cost of them eating with us. Dh said to give them a list. Since they moved almost two weeks into their month, and they've been spending like mad on crap this last week, I wonder if they have enough left to buy formula til the end of the month..so at best, I need to wait awhile before doing husband's plan. We don't NEED their food stamps, but I do think they need to be able to contribute and learn to budget.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of having DIL help me meal plan for September. Very low-key way to introduce new concepts. Ideas and thoughts welcome..


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## weedygarden (Apr 27, 2011)

*You can try*

I would make up some menus WITH them, and make up a shopping list WITH them for them to purchase. As long as they are getting the food stamps, have THEM use them to purchase the food.

When making up menus, talk about meal ideas and find out what they will eat. Without their input, you are just doing your own thing. With their input, they will be more invested.

So many young people eat junk food. We have allowed it and some have promoted it.

They don't cook? Make a plan for what they will cook or will learn to cook. Set up meal preparation on a rotating basis, all cooks being in the cue. They may need you being there, instructing or giving suggestions as they learn to cook. I suggest that you show once, and then keep your hands out of it.

I worked with a woman whose daughter told her she didn't want to cook and didn't want to learn to cook. If she couldn't put it in the microwave, she wouldn't bother.

Whose fault is this?

Another family we knew: Kids were not allowed in the kitchen because they would mess it up. ??? Guess whose kids can't cook as adults?

I would put my daughter in the kitchen sink when she was old enough to sit up. Then as she got older, I would let her pour simple things while cooking, or stir. I taught her to crack eggs at the age of 2. All of this was done with her safety in mind. When she was 3, she was able to make muffins from a mix with a little assistance. And when she was 5, she wanted a "cooking" birthday party, her making French toast for her friends. As an adult, she has taken cooking classes and is not afraid to cook anything. And, she eats very well--green smoothies for breakfast, kale salads, lots of veggies and fruits. You will not see her going to McDonalds for any meals. She cooks healthy food for herself and her friends.

It is a balance of encouragement, assistance, and support. People need to be shown how. They need to be guided. They need to be allowed time and space.


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## ksmama10 (Sep 17, 2012)

I thought DIL would have different food ideas to offer, which frankly, might not be so bad..we are in a food rut anyway. I will talk to dh about this aspect, so he is warned that he might need to try food he has turned his nose up at before..I can always make big batches of the chili or soup he loves, freeze smaller bags, and offer him those as alternatives.
DS grew up with easy access to the kitchen, he just wasn't interested..could make boxed macaroni and cheese when he left.


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## dixiemama (Nov 28, 2012)

I completely agree with the menu idea--its the only way to teach them how to cook. 

My sis in law has 3 kids. They can pick what's for dinner but that's it. They are soon to be 10, just turned 9, and soon to be 8. They are not allowed in the kitchen either. When we built our house, we specifically put the kitchen sink to the side of the window instead of under it. The space under the window is a counter for the kids to help cook. I can place all ingredients and recipe in front of them (with Bubby helping) and have dinner made except getting it out of the oven. 

Bub can keep himself fed without asking for help.


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## SouthCentralUS (Nov 11, 2012)

When my step daughter's daughter was 10 I let her mix a cake with the mixer. It was the first time she had ever done anything in the kitchen. When she was 17 she asked me if she could do anything to help preparing dinner. I told her she could peel potatoes. My step daughter walked in and almost had a heart attack. She said that girl can't use a knife, she will cut herself. The girl was doing just fine but her mom said the girl was scared of knives. The girl went to the store for lettuce and brought home cabbage. Whose fault? The mom's. This is my step daughter's 4th child and the rest were not raised that way.


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## CrackbottomLouis (May 20, 2012)

Start with something like the junk food they like to get the ball rolling. Make homemade pizza or something. Spaghetti is always an easy introductory meal that everyone likes. Then hand the guy a beer, some tongs, chicken and a bag of charcoal. If that doesn't get him cooking its hopeless . Good luck.


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## weedygarden (Apr 27, 2011)

*You can't blame the kids*

if they have not been encouraged, supported, helped, and taught.

Too many parents just do it for them. It is easier that way, less mess.

I was given too much responsibility as a child, but many children live like princes or princesses. They have little to no responsibility. They are allowed too much junk and cr**.

Think of cooking as a skill and think of us wanting our children to be prepared. We do, don't we? We want our children to be prepared, but we prepare them by buying for them, not showing them what and how, and not giving them what they need to know basic skills.

I am as guilty as anyone in this. Some parts we all get right. I can change a tire on my car in 7 minutes, including jacking it up, from start to finish. I know because I have timed myself. I don't think my daughter has a clue about how. Why? She didn't want to get dirty. But, she has a male friend who helps her change her radiator and other car repair and maintenance. I am grateful that she has the car knowledge she has, but she didn't learn it from me.

We have other stuff we are not so good about. We keep trying and learning.


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## Paltik (Nov 20, 2012)

Teaching opportunity all the way. It's your job as a parent. Just remember this is also a great opportunity for growing your relationship, so continue on not coming down as judging and critical.


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## Grimm (Sep 5, 2012)

Don't stop at your son and DIL. As your grandchild gets older give gifts of child sized kitchen utensils. Williams Sonoma and Martha Stewart all have child sized kitchen utensils that are usable verses the playsets that can not be put in the oven/stove. I have 4 sets I got for Roo for when she is older.


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## biobacon (Aug 20, 2012)

I thought a lot of you guys were just over exaggerating when you talk about younger people not being able to cook as Im 31 and I can cook. But my brother in law is living with us now and I swear your right. The only thing Ive seen him cook is grilled cheese on his massive propane grill. On the plus side he eats meet and cheese on his bread and a lot of kids wont even do that, microwave or nothing. He eats out everyday. I made homemade pizza subs a while back and he was so happy when I made him one. Its like, dude nothing you cant do yourself.


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## NaeKid (Oct 17, 2008)

weedygarden said:


> I worked with a woman whose daughter told her she didn't want to cook and didn't want to learn to cook. If she couldn't put it in the microwave, she wouldn't bother.


When I was still a young boy and microwaves were "new fangled devices" I recieved a recipe-book called "Microwave cooking for kids" .. in it had all kinds of cool recipes that I would use regularly.

Now, I cannot cook anything in a microwave, my cast-iron doesn't like it in there for some reason. :dunno:


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## ZangLussuria (May 25, 2012)




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## dixiemama (Nov 28, 2012)

I wld much rather cook over an open flame with my cast iron than anything.


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## Grimm (Sep 5, 2012)

K's idea of cooking is tossing some ground beef into a pot of mac n cheese.

When I was a kid I had to ask to be taught to cook. (I guess because my mom learned when she was in 4H and she assumed the GS would teach me.) After she started teaching me I was responsible for the family lunches on the weekends. We ate a lot of beef chili, beef tacos and tuna salad when I was a kid.


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## Lake Windsong (Nov 27, 2009)

If they are on food stamps, chances are she qualifies for WIC for the baby formula.
To stretch food dollars, rice and pasta dishes, beans and other garden veggies added to any rice or pasta dish helps fill everyone up.
To ease them into cooking, one pot meals, slow cooker meals and make ahead freezer meals like said before chili, stews. Helps them see how easy cooking is compared to the junk they are used to and how much cheaper it can be.


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## ksmama10 (Sep 17, 2012)

Lake Windsong said:


> If they are on food stamps, chances are she qualifies for WIC for the baby formula.
> To stretch food dollars, rice and pasta dishes, beans and other garden veggies added to any rice or pasta dish helps fill everyone up.
> To ease them into cooking, one pot meals, slow cooker meals and make ahead freezer meals like said before chili, stews. Helps them see how easy cooking is compared to the junk they are used to and how much cheaper it can be.


I thought to do some of those frozen dinners for the crockpot. I took them a couple when grandson was born. Bought them a crockpot too. I have two such meals in my freezer now.


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## biobacon (Aug 20, 2012)

Sometimes I think I can cook and then I read about stuff you all make and Im not sure Im doing it at all. Im defrosting a venison pot roost, I picked peas from the garden and I have corn I shucked from the farmers market and Im going to add in some taters, but alas I have to buy carrots as mine arnt ready yet. This is for Sunday dinner. This counts right? Tonight I made pizza with tomato sauce I planted, picked, cut, blinded, and slow cooked myself. It was pretty cool getting it out of the mason jar knowing that I had such a connection to it. Im making more of it in the mourning.


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## goshengirl (Dec 18, 2010)

biobacon said:


> This counts right?


Yes, it counts. Come teach my hubby! 

Dixie, I know what you mean. It's hard to unlearn the way we're raised. In my case, I was never taught anything at home. Now I can teach my kids school subjects, but I struggle to teach them living skills (like cooking). I've gotten a lot better with the youngest, though - I find that if I make it a homeschool project and put it on the schedule, it makes it a lot easier for me. Maybe I'm just more comfortable wearing my teacher hat instead of my mom hat?


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## ksmama10 (Sep 17, 2012)

goshengirl said:


> Yes, it counts. Come teach my hubby!
> 
> Dixie, I know what you mean. It's hard to unlearn the way we're raised. In my case, I was never taught anything at home. Now I can teach my kids school subjects, but I struggle to teach them living skills (like cooking). I've gotten a lot better with the youngest, though - I find that if I make it a homeschool project and put it on the schedule, it makes it a lot easier for me. Maybe I'm just more comfortable wearing my teacher hat instead of my mom hat?


And sometimes wearing the tired teacher mama hat works too...you want cookies? Here are some easy recipes for ingredients we have. Don't confuse sugar with salt, or add too much baking soda.. Have fun and if the smoke alarm goes off, you did it wrong. Then just be on hand to oversee and consult. This is all after they've shown stove and oven proficiency by heating their own soup or making boxed Mac and Cheese. I also start asking them to brown hamburger around this time too, while I'm nearby. As always, YMMV, as each kid is different. Some just don't want to learn..which is sad, since they usually like to eat.


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## biobacon (Aug 20, 2012)

My wife wanted to know what I put in it because it was a lot sweeter then it is from the can. I said well thats actually tomatoes not the processed stuff that at one time was tomatoes.


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## biobacon (Aug 20, 2012)

Maybe not, I cooked todays batch way too hot and killed it. LOL


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## NaeKid (Oct 17, 2008)

ksmama10 said:


> I thought to do some of those frozen dinners for the crockpot. I took them a couple when grandson was born. Bought them a crockpot too. I have two such meals in my freezer now.


I make very-large-pans of baked spagetti (of course, with meatballs - either beef or venison), eat my portion and when the pan is cool, it gets cut into portions and placed in some TupperWare and placed carefully into the freezer.

When I want baked spag, I take out a container, place it into my toaster-oven at 200°F to thaw-out and then re-bake at 350°F with a little water at the bottom of the pan for steam .. makes it nice-n-moist and no microwave required either. If I don't feel like doing it in the toaster-oven, I use one of my small cast-iron pans (with lid) and warm it up that way.

I love my toaster-oven almost as much as I love my cast-iron.


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## gabbyj310 (Oct 22, 2012)

If they like "junk" food,start with hamburgers,chocolate chip cookies are always a winner(and easy,and good)meatloaf easy,baked chicken easy,and so on.Let them peel potatoes,season veggies,.My 3 year old granddaughter loves to heat her hot chocolate,pop popcorn(yes it's microwave but she learning)she helps break eggs in the morning and is learning the stove is hot ,so be careful...With grandma being a cook and mom being a restaurant manager,yep she is learning and she loves it! I say take them to the grocery store and HELP them buy what is for dinner.Someone needs to take the time to "direct" them gently or over the head until they "get it"


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## tsrwivey (Dec 31, 2010)

ksmama10 said:


> Our eldest son, DIL, and grandson moved in with us last week so he could look for work and relocate to our area. They are on government assistance, including food stamps. He is 22, and she is 20. Neither are proficient in cooking, let alone meal planning in any way. She has expressed interest in cooking, but they didnt bring much in the way of food staples, and all I've seen them buy here is junk. They don't drink water..he grew up on our well water, but has decided it tastes bad; it doesn't.


They are grown, it would be rude & extremely disrespectful for them to not help with meal preparation & providing the ingredients. They are free to do things their way in their house but they're in your house right now. IMHO, it's time for man training boot camp style. He's 22 & but for the generosity of others, he & his family would be starving & homeless. Good luck!


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