# major dilemma



## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

What if one's spouse doesn't accept the possibility of a dollar crash/economic collapse resulting in massive starvation and life without our customary utilities? What if she doesn't agree with the expenditure of the money and time necessary to prepare for virtual self-sufficiency? What if she says she couldn't just leave her infirmed 82 year old mother to starve in her home while we survived in ours after I told her we couldn't take her in due to MANY reasons as I wouldn't take in MY parents who are in their upper 80's with one of them almost incapacitated with Alzheimer's? And what if my wife said that if things got THAT bad she would shoot her cats, her mother and herself? 
DB


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## bigpaul (Jun 16, 2012)

get a new wife!!


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## partdeux (Aug 3, 2011)

normalcy bias.

Don't try and fight everything at all once, just do it one step at a time.


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## hiwall (Jun 15, 2012)

Ask her to please read the threads on this forum with an open mind. If that does not work you can only do what you feel is best for you AND her.


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## Davarm (Oct 22, 2011)

db2469 said:


> What if one's spouse doesn't accept the possibility of a dollar crash/economic collapse resulting in massive starvation and life without our customary utilities? What if she doesn't agree with the expenditure of the money and time necessary to prepare for virtual self-sufficiency? What if she says she couldn't just leave her infirmed 82 year old mother to starve in her home while we survived in ours after I told her we couldn't take her in due to MANY reasons as I wouldn't take in MY parents who are in their upper 80's with one of them almost incapacitated with Alzheimer's? And what if my wife said that if things got THAT bad she would shoot her cats, her mother and herself?
> DB


First, I'd hide the guns!

Second, I kinda like what bigpaul said. If that is out of the question, dont overwhelm her or harp on her, you will shut her down and she will definitely not be persuaded then and she may even resent all the discussion and take it out on you.

If you can bring this to a suitable resolution, write your book and you will make your millions.


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## 101airborne (Jan 29, 2010)

Welcome to my world. At least you can take comfort in not being alone in your situation. I think many of us have spouses that have similar feelings. I have seen here and on other forums that most of the men who post have wives who are not prepper minded and the women have husbands the same way. I don't know maybe at least on this subject opposites do attract. 

My wife says that if everything falls apart she doesn't think she wants to live through it. BUT I think she's coming around a little bit. She is paying more attention to what's going on around her and even mentions stuff from time to time. So My advice is to do the best you can to continue to prep for the two of you. That's what I do, my wife still complains about my spending money on ___________. But not as much as she used to. 

Like others have said try to bring her along gently don't push. It may take some time but hopefully eventually she will begin to open her eyes and see what's happening and get on the prepping wagon. At worse when things start going bad she'll be glad you did. Good luck.


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

Any others out there whose spouse is not being cooperative with the prepping? Actually, we've been going ahead with food/water storage, guns, kerosene heaters, etc. because I told her I want to survive, period, regardless if she doesn't....the main issue right now is if she will join me in that attempt when the time comes or go to her mother's and starve...
DB


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

Good posts all...thanks!
DB


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## Immolatus (Feb 20, 2011)

A lot of us share your pain.
Be subtle and gentle, "Hey did you notice in the news today..." and keep doing what youre doing!


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## fat_frog (Oct 19, 2011)

...ok... so i passed the laptop on my way to make some toast and couldn't help but stop and read a post titled "major dilema". 
mind you, I'm the spouse who's not so sure about the end of the world... and this one makes me laugh a little. 

If the end of the world comes, something that's going to get you farther than most - is going to be the ability to negotiate and mitigate differing oppinions. (unless you are really planning to stay in a bunker alone forever) 
So, if you can't figure out how to negotiate with the person you've hopefully known for a long time and currently planning to spend the rest of your life with... how do you plan to negotiate anything later? 

As long as you're not using indispensable income, you recognize & accept that it's not her priority and you're not pushing the issue on her everytime she turns around - I think that reasonable adults should be able to come to some common agreement - no?

(it sounds to me that you've pushed a woman to the level of annoyance discussing leaving ones' parents to starve that she's retorted with something that you would find as equally annoying by stated she'll take out her parents and cats... which leads me to believe it wasn't exactly the most nonconfrontational discussion you've had recently...) 

i'd say take a step back... laugh at all us stupid 'happy' people... prepare for the worst and then when it comes, THEN you get to sit back and take full enjoyment in all of us who are suffering.


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

No, I'm not annoying her, I'm depressing her...we all want our lives to go on at least as well as they are now with all the comforts we're used to and I guess there are some folks who don't want to even try to live another way, especially if it is dangerous to do so...I have a very strong will to LIVE and I guess some don't..I don't enjoy making these tough decisions but I must..
DB


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## *Andi (Nov 8, 2009)

db2469 said:


> Any others out there whose spouse is not being cooperative with the prepping? Actually, we've been going ahead with food/water storage, guns, kerosene heaters, etc. because I told her I want to survive, period, regardless if she doesn't....the main issue right now is if she will join me in that attempt when the time comes or go to her mother's and starve...
> DB


Here is a little more reading for you ...

http://www.preparedsociety.com/forum/f35/those-us-who-have-s-o-who-doesnt-get-3824/


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## Freyadog (Jan 27, 2010)

I think that this situation is sort of like dying. You will struggle for that last breath of air. surviving to me will be the same thing. Grasping at what they can in order to make it. Many will not see it until that time comes. It's sad but true.

If it was me I would not push too hard. Just a gentle nudge at times and keep on 'preparing'. 

Good Luck.

Barbara


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## CrackbottomLouis (May 20, 2012)

Instead of prepping for the end of the world in your conversations with her try prepping for not so disastrous occurances first. Do you live in an area prone to hurricanes, tornadoes or earthquakes? A good 72 hour kit is not unreasonable and a lot of extended prepping can be done under that guise without looking like a paranoid doomsayer. Leave the mom conversation for after the fact. It may work itself out naturally.


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

All very helpful posts...thanks again!
DB


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## cybergranny (Mar 11, 2011)

db2469 said:


> What if one's spouse doesn't accept the possibility of a dollar crash/economic collapse resulting in massive starvation and life without our customary utilities? What if she doesn't agree with the expenditure of the money and time necessary to prepare for virtual self-sufficiency? What if she says she couldn't just leave her infirmed 82 year old mother to starve in her home while we survived in ours after I told her we couldn't take her in due to MANY reasons as I wouldn't take in MY parents who are in their upper 80's with one of them almost incapacitated with Alzheimer's? And what if my wife said that if things got THAT bad she would shoot her cats, her mother and herself?
> DB


You appear to be confronting her with decisions she's not prepared to make. Many of us are not prepared to say what we would do in various really hard scenarios. We talk about how bad things could get, but in reality how many of us could make the kind of decisions you're asking her to make. My family and friends don't want to think about let alone talk about serious situations and would shut down to the idea of prepping. In fact, we don't even talk about what could happen to our beloved pets, it's too painful. Leading your family into prepping, not dragging is a better way and they will come around. Here gardening, canning, dehydrating and hunting/fishing and raising eggs and meat has become a way of life that has become rewarding to them in many ways. I still have to tread gently but they are coming around a lot more than I ever expected they would in the last 3 years. Especially my husband. He doesn't talk about it just goes along and does.


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## showmegal (Sep 14, 2011)

Maybe you need to tone it down. Some people have a hard time when they start thinking of all the horrible things that could happen. Maybe you need to approach it with baby steps and get her on board just getting ready for the next big storm that might put you out of electric for a week. Not everyone is a born survivor or think on a larger scale. Its too much for them. The negative is getting to her and you really need to hit on her strengths and bring out the best in her now before you have her turned completely against everything you are trying to do. Do not scenario her to death because based on what you are saying you will end up being that one that has to take the dog behind the shed and shoot it so to speak..so just keep it to yourself until the moment arrives.


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## goatlady (Nov 7, 2011)

Gone through the same thing with my 4 adult children. Finally 1 flat out told me they KNOW what is coming, they ARE preparing but they do NOT want to discuss or talk about it as it gets too depressing. I backed off entirely and now they will share with me the prep things they are accomplishing. I was dumb-founded to discover several years ago one of my daughters who NEVER even hinted at prepping that she already had a year's supply for her brother, her sister, their children stashed and that was the main reason she bought the huge 5 bedroom house she lives in! That shut me up real fast. Just back off on the talk and quietly keep prepping as best you can. Either she will come around at the necessary time or she won't, nothing you really can do about it. She is an adult and will make her choices just as you will.


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## BillM (Dec 29, 2010)

*Her Parents*



db2469 said:


> What if one's spouse doesn't accept the possibility of a dollar crash/economic collapse resulting in massive starvation and life without our customary utilities? What if she doesn't agree with the expenditure of the money and time necessary to prepare for virtual self-sufficiency? What if she says she couldn't just leave her infirmed 82 year old mother to starve in her home while we survived in ours after I told her we couldn't take her in due to MANY reasons as I wouldn't take in MY parents who are in their upper 80's with one of them almost incapacitated with Alzheimer's? And what if my wife said that if things got THAT bad she would shoot her cats, her mother and herself?
> DB


I would take my parents and sustain them as long as I possably could but that is just me.

They risked everything for me and I would do the same for them.

Somewhere along the way you are going to have to make some real tough decisions as to what you will do to survive and what you won't do to survive.

I respect your wife's decision and you should also.

I personally would fight to keep them as long as I could but the reality of the situation might well result in their demise but it would not be my neglect to try to take care of them.

The only exception I could see would be if I had to choose between my children or grand children and my aged parents.

I know what they would want me to do then.


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

BillM...I understand what you're saying and IF I lived in a house big enough in the right location to take in my parents and mother-in-law, all with special needs, then I would...and I will help all I can if the collapse is not as severe as our worst case scenario OR if I knew they would undertand the probability of this collapse as we do and want my help in preparing THEIR homes but they won't understand...in fact, we won't even tell them what we are doing and why...we KNOW what their reaction will be! Taking them in would require SO many more supplies and put my wife and I in much greater risk of either succumbing to the shortages or being killed by others..and like I said, I'm not even sure my wife will want to endure this, let alone the parents...
DB


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

BillM said:


> I would take my parents and sustain them as long as I possably could but that is just me.
> 
> They risked everything for me and I would do the same for them.
> 
> ...


Yes, he has an obligation to his parents. I get that. I also know he's prepping for a brother and his wife too. When it comes to real world SHTF he would have 4 functioning adults and 3 adults in the 80s with varying degrees of mobility and mental competency. I can't imagine all the various medications they would need along with possibly needing a year's supply of adult diapers for one or more people. A year's supply of food for 4 people becomes a 7 month supply for 7 people. I don't know how you care for someone with Alzheimer's at the same time you're trying to be quiet and lie low. I've seen people like that at nursing homes that are always trying to escape. If one of the parents is like that they would put everyone's life in danger. It almost seems like an insurmountable task for people with limited space and resources.
Especially if you don't know how you're going to prep for 4 people if that is the case.


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

db2469 said:


> What if one's spouse doesn't accept the possibility of a dollar crash/economic collapse resulting in massive starvation and life without our customary utilities? What if she doesn't agree with the expenditure of the money and time necessary to prepare for virtual self-sufficiency? What if she says she couldn't just leave her infirmed 82 year old mother to starve in her home while we survived in ours after I told her we couldn't take her in due to MANY reasons as I wouldn't take in MY parents who are in their upper 80's with one of them almost incapacitated with Alzheimer's? And what if my wife said that if things got THAT bad she would shoot her cats, her mother and herself?
> DB


My wife was like that at one time. We watched some of those Doomsday Prepper shows on NatGeo. She saw all the people prepping for an economic collapse and it started to make sense to her. I was prepping by myself for close to a year before she finally got it.


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## truecarnage (Apr 25, 2010)

I don't know if this will be any help, but I think you might be going at this the wrong way or with the wrong mindset prepping should be ready for bad things that will happen unexpectedly. I wear a seatbelt in case of an accident , I don't expect to get into an accident they just happen. I carry a concealed firearm on me not because I know that I'm going to get mugged but I might. Your car has a spare tire because you probably get a flat sooner later, you have homeowners insurance not because mother nature or some bad person is gonna destroy your home but just in case. Try not to sell your wife an end of the world scenario story, and just try to convince her that it's better to be prepared just in case instead of being sorry you made no preparations all.


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## sammy1958 (Dec 12, 2008)

Have you tried to show her how much money can be saved by buying items on sale and not having to pay full price because you ran out of something? With inflation the way it is, buying today can save lots in the future and who can argue with inflation? This was the line of reasoning that I used to encourage my MIL to stock up.


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

sammy1958 said:


> Have you tried to show her how much money can be saved by buying items on sale and not having to pay full price because you ran out of something? With inflation the way it is, buying today can save lots in the future and who can argue with inflation? This was the line of reasoning that I used to encourage my MIL to stock up.


I have yes...thanks


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## Enchant18 (Feb 21, 2012)

I think starting out small really does help. I like to point out to people that everyone prepares for a disaster. If you have a homeowners policy or auto policy. You are preparing for an event that may or may not happen. Well, there is no smarter "insurance" than that which feeds you in the event you are unable to afford or acquire food. I have found it best to mention personal catastrophes rather than global ones. Good luck.


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

Yes, my wife has no problem with storing extra food and other household supplies as we are doing now but having a water well dug and other higher priced self-sufficiency projects are meeting resistance but she wants ME to survive so agrees pretty much with what I want to do to better my odds, BUT she's not sure if she wants to live through it...maybe in time when the crisis is real, she'll think differently..
DB


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## zracer7 (Apr 17, 2012)

db2469 said:


> BillM...I understand what you're saying and IF I lived in a house big enough in the right location to take in my parents and mother-in-law, all with special needs, then I would...
> DB


If it's a question of room I always think that is a very poor excuse. Consider reading "The Diary of Anne Frank." Most people have already read it but my point in bringing it up is that even in a small place, many people can survive. They survived in an attic hiding from the nazis and it was the size of a very small apartment.

I have had the "talk" with the wife about prepping also. At first she told me the same thing..."I'll shoot myself." and honestly that's an option; but one I am not willing to let her choose if we can take steps to continue living in a PAW. Now she and I treat it more like a hobby. She is willing to go along with it as long as it doesn't interfere with everyday life and its expenses. She even buys me preps here and there.

What turned her around is when we lost power during a bad storm. I asked her, "now what if our lights went off...permanently." ::lightbulb::


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## kilagal (Nov 8, 2011)

Well my dh and I have been married a long time. Close to 40 years but just not quite 40. Anyway we were raised very different. He is from a family of 12 kids and they never moved. We were from a family of 2 kids and we moved a lot like 6 times when I was in first grade alone. My dad hunted his dad didn't . I grew up knowing how to butcher animals for food dh didn't. My dad worked in the woods a lot of the time and was laid off in the winter. Dh's dad wasn't. 
I always worried about winter and groceries. So when we got married I got a new metal trash can. We had very little money for food. But every payday what was left in the cabinets went into that can. That was how I did food storage before I eaver read a book on it. The first time dh was laid off from his job he was worried about how we were going to pay bills and food. We got the can out and we had food. And we paid the bills. I didn't worry about the end of the world. I worried about how to take care of my family. After all that was my job. And it still is. A lot of people say that I don't work. Well I am up every day doing the animal chores. Taking care of the garden. Shopping thrift stores yard sales and store sales. I can, dehydrate and cook from scratch. So maybe instead of scaring her with letting her mom die. You should ask her if she would like to help so that there is food for her as well.
Plus I took care of dh's mom for over 20 years. She was in her 90's when she left here. I have even carried the woman on my back to get her in the car to take her to the dr. She was never nice to me but she was my d's mother. And I did the best I could. She even stayed with us several times. We just set up a bed in the frontroom and made do. So I am not trying to tell you anything I have not already done. I am not saying it was easy. But we did it oxygen and all.


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## partdeux (Aug 3, 2011)

db2469 said:


> BUT she's not sure if she wants to live through it...maybe in time when the crisis is real, she'll think differently..
> DB


Mad Max scenario, I'm not sure I'd want to live through it either.

But I am prepared for relatively short and relatively non violent disruptions.

Read the Bosnian survivor blog... although there are some questions on it's truthfullness.

Watch history channel's show beyond Armageddon.

Me thinks that you look at this level of social disruption as being survivable, and your spouse says it's not worth surviving. You may both be right.


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

zracer7 said:


> If it's a question of room I always think that is a very poor excuse. Consider reading "The Diary of Anne Frank."


The big difference with the Franks is that they didn't have to store a year's supply of food, water, fuel, diapers, and toilet paper in a small area. It's possible to be so packed in with supplies that people literally don't have a place to sleep.


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## tc556guy (Apr 28, 2011)

I can't see leaving immediate family out in the cold.
They are family.

I feel your pain as far as your wife not wanting to prep.
Mine can wrap her head around storms and natural disasters, but can't fathom a scenario where the stores wouldn't be open again within 24 hrs.



BillS said:


> The big difference with the Franks is that they didn't have to store a year's supply of food, water, fuel, diapers, and toilet paper in a small area. It's possible to be so packed in with supplies that people literally don't have a place to sleep.


Then you make do.
A person can sleep anywhere, on just about anything


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## zracer7 (Apr 17, 2012)

tc556guy said:


> Then you make do.
> A person can sleep anywhere, on just about anything


toilet paper packs make great mattresses! Haha


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## PrepN4Good (Dec 23, 2011)

Did she watch the news during Hurricane Katrina? If that doesn't cause a person to change their mind about prepping, well, I guess nothing short of the Rapture will. 

As far as space is concerned, we have a very small camper at our BOL. The thought of living there for weeks, months, or years with all our pets makes me cringe, but if it's between that or dying.... :scratch


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## bigpaul (Jun 16, 2012)

there are a few prepping sites this side of the pond, 1 or 2 are of the EOTWAWKI variety but there are others who are more focused on unemployment, illness, electrical blackouts, economical collapse, storms and as we have had here in the last couple of weeks...flooding!


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## Tnfarmgirl (Jun 15, 2012)

BillM said:


> I would take my parents and sustain them as long as I possably could but that is just me.
> 
> They risked everything for me and I would do the same for them.
> 
> ...


Yes to all of this......I would not want great, great grandhcildren to know that I allowed the great great great grandfather to die...that is not a legacy I am willing to leave behind


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## lotsoflead (Jul 25, 2010)

have her committed now so she will not be a burdon later


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## alwaysready (May 16, 2012)

Tnfarmgirl said:


> Yes to all of this......I would not want great, great grandhcildren to know that I allowed the great great great grandfather to die...that is not a legacy I am willing to leave behind


I'm the head of my household now does that mean that I'm a tyrant? No my wife gets most of the things she wants. Mainly because she is unselfish and like myself very family oriented and very practical. At first she didn't see the benifit of being prepared. Then I reminded her of how she cried watching what happened during katrina. Her only question was why wasn't the government doing anything to help the people. Then I stated my case me and mine will not be in that situation. Because I'm taking action now! She came onboard over night. It started with questions like what would we do if this happened or how would we deal with this situation. From there it went to how would you complete this task then how much would one of those cost and finally to I hope this is the one you wanted. She still doesent refere to herself as a prepper. But her actions says other wise right now she is plotting out a 5,000 ft garden no not all at once but she expects to be done next spring. Our plans include every member of the immediate familly from Great Grandma to our most recent grandbaby. The OP kind of got under my skin but instead of being judgemental I think I'll just count my blessings.


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## headhunter (Nov 21, 2008)

I, along with most, hope nothing happens. Disasters are on a continuum, best case scenario to worst case. Will we be back to the high interest rates if the '70s where a framer friend paid 22% interest to put his crop in, or will we have rolling blackouts? How long will our trials last? Will we lose the "rule of law"? Will our dollar economy become so bad it will cease to exist?
I started to become concerned about the long term problems in '07. The wife did not.
We began by purchasing some new appliances- things I figured we'd have to replace in the next few years because of their age, the buying of appliances she could understand seeing inflation at the gas pumps and grocery store, I feared hyperinflation. The wife didn't object. 

Along the way, we began to add other things like a wood stove and the hardware for a hand pump. Camping gear we had. Increasing the ammunition supply wasn't a problem because I'm a hunter and shooter and reloader. Sending the wife shopping to garage sales for the 2 grand kids looking for "next year's" larger sizes was not a problem. She is buying more food. When I built a BOB, we built her a mini BOB. Getting her on board was not an overnight project. Getting her a waterproof , windproof, insulated camo jacket may have been a mistake 'cause if the weather gets bad you can guess what she's wearing.
I don't believe you alone can make the decision for the two of you as to aging parents. As far as the aging parents- go to a restaurant and talk it over. If your not at home your less likely to raise voices or go to different rooms and be mad. You don't have to agree 100% with each other but you need to find some consensus. Surviving by yourself sounds like a lonely way to go. Good luck!


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## JayJay (Nov 23, 2010)

zracer7 said:


> toilet paper packs make great mattresses! Haha


You beat me to it!!

Cases of 12 pack vegeables with tp on top?? a few blankets?? It's work.


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## MsSage (Mar 3, 2012)

OK you have admitted you depress her with talking about prepping and you KEEP ON?????WTF?
Really? You are forcing her to make a choice NOW about her mother dying and you get upset when she fights you .......WOW 
Really dude I want you no where near my homestead cuz you have no values and are willing to allow family to die and want them to, so you can prep more. 
WOW 
Yes I had a spouse who was against prepping he is now an ex ...prepping was one of MANY reasons.
My S/O now, is a beans and bullets only prepper...me I want to be self sufficient milk, eggs, ect.
I plan on my Dad ( all I have left) his parents, my 3 kids and when they get S/O's them , his 2 kids and a couple others. Do I have all needed NO can I go out and buy all that NO but I will NOT allow family to die. I will NOT push until a family member will rather die than make a choice about killing a parent.If we only have 6 months then we work harder and all survive.

If you really love this woman STOP PUSHING her into depression. Cuz it might be both of you of you laying on the floor in a puddle of blood. Depression is bad enough but with someone who is suppose to love you pushing and making it worse you have no clue the ramifications.


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## pixieduster (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm sorta in the same delima. I'm the wife prepping and the hubz has made some slow progress. Like me taking over a closet for food storage. Then extra shelves in the bathroom. Slowy rearranging. What's funny is, if he doesn't see big obvious changes, then he doesn't mind. When I ordered a few #10 cans of things like milk, butter, cheese and beef(all freeze dried), he asked, "what's that for?". Haha! I said, "helllooooo, its to eat...". I explained how I would cook with it and how yummy it would be, then he said ok. I'm sure he thinks its just a hobby of mine, but that's ok. We have 4 children and I will be the happily crazy wife. : D


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## pixieduster (Mar 28, 2012)

kilagal said:


> Well my dh and I have been married a long time. Close to 40 years but just not quite 40. Anyway we were raised very different. He is from a family of 12 kids and they never moved. We were from a family of 2 kids and we moved a lot like 6 times when I was in first grade alone. My dad hunted his dad didn't . I grew up knowing how to butcher animals for food dh didn't. My dad worked in the woods a lot of the time and was laid off in the winter. Dh's dad wasn't.
> I always worried about winter and groceries. So when we got married I got a new metal trash can. We had very little money for food. But every payday what was left in the cabinets went into that can. That was how I did food storage before I eaver read a book on it. The first time dh was laid off from his job he was worried about how we were going to pay bills and food. We got the can out and we had food. And we paid the bills. I didn't worry about the end of the world. I worried about how to take care of my family. After all that was my job. And it still is. A lot of people say that I don't work. Well I am up every day doing the animal chores. Taking care of the garden. Shopping thrift stores yard sales and store sales. I can, dehydrate and cook from scratch. So maybe instead of scaring her with letting her mom die. You should ask her if she would like to help so that there is food for her as well.
> Plus I took care of dh's mom for over 20 years. She was in her 90's when she left here. I have even carried the woman on my back to get her in the car to take her to the dr. She was never nice to me but she was my d's mother. And I did the best I could. She even stayed with us several times. We just set up a bed in the frontroom and made do. So I am not trying to tell you anything I have not already done. I am not saying it was easy. But we did it oxygen and all.


Awsome! Your husband is lucky to have you. : )


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## Possumfam (Apr 19, 2011)

kilagal said:


> Well my dh and I have been married a long time. Close to 40 years but just not quite 40. Anyway we were raised very different. He is from a family of 12 kids and they never moved. We were from a family of 2 kids and we moved a lot like 6 times when I was in first grade alone. My dad hunted his dad didn't . I grew up knowing how to butcher animals for food dh didn't. My dad worked in the woods a lot of the time and was laid off in the winter. Dh's dad wasn't.
> I always worried about winter and groceries. So when we got married I got a new metal trash can. We had very little money for food. But every payday what was left in the cabinets went into that can. That was how I did food storage before I eaver read a book on it. The first time dh was laid off from his job he was worried about how we were going to pay bills and food. We got the can out and we had food. And we paid the bills. I didn't worry about the end of the world. I worried about how to take care of my family. After all that was my job. And it still is. A lot of people say that I don't work. Well I am up every day doing the animal chores. Taking care of the garden. Shopping thrift stores yard sales and store sales. I can, dehydrate and cook from scratch. So maybe instead of scaring her with letting her mom die. You should ask her if she would like to help so that there is food for her as well.
> Plus I took care of dh's mom for over 20 years. She was in her 90's when she left here. I have even carried the woman on my back to get her in the car to take her to the dr. She was never nice to me but she was my d's mother. And I did the best I could. She even stayed with us several times. We just set up a bed in the frontroom and made do. So I am not trying to tell you anything I have not already done. I am not saying it was easy. But we did it oxygen and all.


I agree with pixieduster. You sound like someone I'd like to know personally. I can't say that about very many people. Most are accquaintances, but you sound like a true friend, a good, honest, down to earth person. I believe respect is earned - and it sure sounds like you've just earned it! I'm proud of you!


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

MsSage said:


> OK you have admitted you depress her with talking about prepping and you KEEP ON?????WTF?
> Really? You are forcing her to make a choice NOW about her mother dying and you get upset when she fights you .......WOW
> Really dude I want you no where near my homestead cuz you have no values and are willing to allow family to die and want them to, so you can prep more.
> WOW
> ...


You say I want family to die? That's not what I said but I'm not going to argue with anyone who disagrees with me....we all have a right to his/her own opinion but don't judge someone with incomplete or misinterpreted information....good luck to you and your family!
DB


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## db2469 (Jun 11, 2012)

In hindsight, I should have done one of two things with this thread; either explained my situation in greater detail and chose my words more carefully instead of trying to write it as succinctly as possible OR I shouldn't have written it at all....if I could delete the thread I would..
DB


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## MsSage (Mar 3, 2012)

> I told her we couldn't take her in due to MANY reasons as I wouldn't take in MY parents who are in their upper 80's
> with one of them almost incapacitated with Alzheimer's?
> 
> ..the main issue right now is if she will join me in that attempt when the time comes or go to her mother's and starve...
> ...


Yes you should have given all info ....wont leaving family where they are sentence them to die? You admitted you depress her but keep on trying to get her to understand...........
Sorry I speak my mind.


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## *Andi (Nov 8, 2009)

Take a Deep Breath ... Come on ... I was talking to the group 

Deep breathing reduces stress, deepens insight, expands consciousness and increases intuitive perception... 

Don't we feel better now?

Now back to the OP ... :wave:


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## *Andi (Nov 8, 2009)

Per request


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