# Article: New marriage and financial plans



## NaeKid (Oct 17, 2008)

http://www.moneysense.ca/planning/getting-married-better-update-your-financial-plan/

*Getting married? Better update your financial plan*



> You've talked about old girlfriends and boyfriends. You've talked about whether you want children. You've talked about your mothers.
> 
> Now financial advisers say a discussion about money should be high on your to-do list before tying the knot this summer.
> 
> ...


Anything that anyone would like to add to this article?


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## Tirediron (Jul 12, 2010)

A fairly in depth discussion about future financial / life goals, preferably with a neutral moderator, along with a method of achieving those.


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## bugoutbob (Nov 11, 2012)

When I do premarital counselling with a couple this is an area that we always deal with, along with such mundane things as sexual expectations, family, communication, faith issues and more. It might be cliche but money and sex are the two issues that cause the most friction between couples in my experience ... followed by career issues and unrealistic marriage expectations.


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## jnrdesertrats (Jul 3, 2010)

Someone close to me married a girl with $40,000 in student loans. She never said a word until she was deliquent and the notices came in the mail. I have to admit I have some trust issues with her now. I think they did do some sort of premarital counseling with a pastor or someone.


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## mojo4 (Feb 19, 2012)

My wife and I always made good money but somehow it always seemed to vanish. Then we took the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace university class and that has made an amazing difference in how we handle our finances. 2thumbs up for that course!


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## tsrwivey (Dec 31, 2010)

I love Dave Ramsey! There are a couple things I don't agree with him on but for most people most of the time, he's right.

I think marriage counselors should require each partner to get a copy of their entire credit report & give it to the other person. A lot of people with really messed up finances are in denial about how much they owe. They really don't think about it, let alone keep track of it, & it likely never occurred to them that debt could have lifelong consequences or they likely wouldn't have acquired the debt in the first place.


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## RevWC (Mar 28, 2011)

When my wife and I met we shared a dime between us..


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## tsrwivey (Dec 31, 2010)

RevWC said:


> When my wife and I met a shared a dime between us..


My husband & I were broke too. I think there's benefit to building your financial life together from the beginning. There really is no his or mine, everything we have we made together.


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## mosquitomountainman (Jan 25, 2010)

tsrwivey said:


> I love Dave Ramsey! There are a couple things I don't agree with him on but for most people most of the time, he's right.
> 
> I think marriage counselors should require each partner to get a copy of their entire credit report & give it to the other person. A lot of people with really messed up finances are in denial about how much they owe. They really don't think about it, let alone keep track of it, & it likely never occurred to them that debt could have lifelong consequences or they likely wouldn't have acquired the debt in the first place.


That's assuming that they are honest to begin with. I've seen too many that weren't! They were doomed from the start.

bugoutbob: I've seen in-laws do a lot of damage as well as the others. IME the big four were money, sex, religion, and in-laws (not necessarily in that order).

Arrogance was sometimes a problem as well. Had one young couple who were sophomores in college and I couldn't bring up any subject that they didn't already know more about than I did. They didn't make it to their first anniversary.

One gal married a guy who was living in a small house next door to his mother and father. He was a real mama's boy. She saw that but "loved" him so much she thought she could deal with it. He was totally against talking about the subject with her. It was his mother and he wouldn't listen to any negative comments about her ... period! We talked many times after the marriage trying to find ways that she could cope with playing second fiddle in his life. I moved about a year later and lost track of them.

My most interesting couple were two people who admitted that they had an alcohol problem (him) and she was a compulsive liar. After a couple of counseling sessions they called off the marriage. I moved a couple of months later and the new pastor married them. The guy was doing a good job staying sober but he got off early one day and went home to find her in their bed with the neighbor. That was about three weeks into the marriage.

I'm sure you have a few stories too!


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## bugoutbob (Nov 11, 2012)

mosquitomountainman said:


> bugoutbob: I've seen in-laws do a lot of damage as well as the others. IME the big four were money, sex, religion, and in-laws (not necessarily in that order).


We cover in-laws in the family section and there is no doubt that they can be a huge problem. The Bible speaks of leaving and cleaving for a reason.

Interestingly enough, on a more general marriage more, I have had many couples decide that marriage to each other was a bad idea during the counselling program for a wide range of reasons. It's way easier and much cheaper to call it quits before the knot is tied.

In the years of counselling couples who were having difficulty during marriage, I have run into numerous couple where one partner said that right up to the moment of the service they knew it was a bad idea but for whatever reason (usually embarrassment) went ahead. I make it a practice right up to the hour before the service of meeting with the couple separately and giving them one last chance to bail out. So far none has taken me up on the offer but you never know.

To date I have only had one couple get divorced and that was due to a hidden addiction problem that the partner did not know about, was never disclosed in the counselling process. The individual fooled everyone.

In fairness though, that record might not be as impressive as it sounds.I have also refused to marry many couples after beginning the process with them, to dat the bulk of them as far as I know have been divorced.It isn't like the old days where a pastor married pretty much everyone who asked because the pastor (or village priest) was the only game in town. If a couple wants to get married despite the best advice, there are plenty of options.


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## readytogo (Apr 6, 2013)

And everything is 50/50
https://www.yahoo.com/tech/s/german-man-takes-revenge-ex-wife-sawing-everything-114557059.html


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

Too many couples spend too much time planning the wedding and no time planning the marriage. 

I remember working with a young woman who talked a lot about their wedding plans. It sounded like the guy was a jerk. They worked different shifts and didn't get along very well. I have no idea why she wanted to marry him. She was about 23 and he was about 40. He was paying a lot of child support and didn't have a dime.


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## bkt (Oct 10, 2008)

BillS said:


> Too many couples spend too much time planning the wedding and no time planning the marriage.


Thank you. This is extremely important. I've seen many people spend months or years planning minute details around _one day_ but can't spend 10 minutes talking about important issues that will affect the rest of their lives.

I call these people "stupid".

Really, if you don't have full disclosure about income and debt long before you get married, you're already in trouble.

That said, the bigger issue is not about being able to get loans or living large, but about where things are going economically (particularly in regard to currency devaluation) and whether both the man and woman are preppers.


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