# The Mindset



## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

I've been working on getting comfortable with what I feel is inevitable. It weight's very heavy on me from time to time. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. I've attached a PDF in the hopes it might help others. What do you think helps?


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## bahramthered (Mar 10, 2012)

expand that and publish it as a self help book. Your halfway there already.

I doubt the platitudes you've listed will ever help anyone. 


Man and I've been trying to be more positive. Well at least I'm honest.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

bahramthered said:


> expand that and publish it as a self help book. Your halfway there already.
> 
> I doubt the platitudes you've listed will ever help anyone.
> 
> Man and I've been trying to be more positive. Well at least I'm honest.


I hear you man, this shit pissed me off the first time I read it. I was like, what is this like another "magic pill" or "cure". It's not. It seemed like a bunch of platitudes to me to but, I don't feel that way now.

It wont make the pain go away. It's not meant to make the pain go away, it is meant to get someone used to feeling it in different ways, way's that might be more manageable. What do you do to try and be more positive?

I realize I may have posted this in the wrong location.


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## bahramthered (Mar 10, 2012)

FutureFriendly said:


> I hear you man, this shit pissed me off the first time I read it. I was like, what is this like another "magic pill" or "cure". It's not. It seemed like a bunch of platitudes to me to but, I don't feel that way now.
> 
> It wont make the pain go away. It's not meant to make the pain go away, it is meant to get someone used to feeling it in different ways, way's that might be more manageable. What do you do to try and be more positive?
> 
> I realize I may have posted this in the wrong location.


It's platitudes however you splice it. Some of them work for some people. Some people find joy in smelling a rose, others find hay fever.

Pain? It;s like that star trek movie. Some people need relieved of their pain, some need it, and some of us wonder what the heck they're talking about.

What have I done to be more positive? Well first know a little about me. I'm a dark sarcastic personality who would rather prep for the worst and be surprised by anything else. I love to debate things and will even play devil's advocate for sides I don't agree with.

For starters I tried to stop biting the heads off people I disagree with, especially on issues where reasonable people might disagree. I've lost track of the number of posts I've typed and deleted to try to be true to this but, that might be already a losing case.

Then again, maybe it is working. I hiked almost 10 miles today across a city landscape to recover my vehicle from the body shop. An old guy hit it and retired it for a week and a half. I spent the week brooding whenever I couldn't go somewhere but I kinda enjoyed the hike. It's physical aftermath not so much.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

I get pretty dark and sarcastic myself. Your right, "pain" does sound very star trek. 

I have been "labeled" as "totally and completely disabled" for the last four years. . . . . Medicated for as long as I can remember for thinking about stuff and feeling something about it. I don't believe that need's to be medicated threw pharmaceutical's and I don't trust the people making them but, it's a hard habit to break. Emotion's can be painful, a lot of people go to hospital's thinking they are having heart attack's when it's anxiety.

Car troubles, we just had to dish out two grand for a new transmission last month and we didn't have the money. That's some stress full stuff. It's great that you got to get out to hike a bit and enjoyed it. I've been trying to talk myself in to going out for a nice hike for a while. One of those thing's where I know, I'll feel better after I get up to do it but. . . . Nothing's ever easy is it.?


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## bahramthered (Mar 10, 2012)

Oh I can agree with nothing is ever easy. 

I from childhood illnesses have a very serious speech impediment. Especially when excited or nervous. Because I talk weird and frequently get tongue tied people think I'm retarded and treated like a second class citizen. Because I'm big I'm suppose to be a mindless beast of burden. And nothing pisses off smaller people than the big guy having a better idea than them.

Oh and because an idiot cop can't tell the difference between a speech impediment + general balance issues + medication I have to fight off a DUI which is looking like 3 or 4 grand.

Are we done with the pity party?


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

bahramthered said:


> Are we done with the pity party?


I'm pretty sure the DJ hasn't even showed up yet and a lot of us are to tired to dance already.

What do you do, to keep in the mindset to want to survive?

I'd like to know because, I'll be dead quick if I can't figure it that out and I'm not the only one.


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## The_Blob (Dec 24, 2008)

FutureFriendly said:


> What do you do, to keep in the mindset to want to survive?
> 
> I'd like to know because, I'll be dead quick if I can't figure it that out and I'm not the only one.


personally?... one word: stubbornness

I refuse to give "the bastards" the satisfaction of breaking me.

Also, I have NO problem with achieving what others might consider a pyrrhic victory.


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## bahramthered (Mar 10, 2012)

FutureFriendly said:


> What do you do, to keep in the mindset to want to survive?
> 
> I'd like to know because, I'll be dead quick if I can't figure it that out and I'm not the only one.


Want too? There's a choice?

I seriously doubt my story would help anyone or mindset.

Since you can't trust an anonymous internet person all I'll say is I've dealt with pain way too much with little to no support. I've faced death more times than you can count on one hand. And pain is higher on the avoid list. But I still keep finding things to enjoy so I'm going to keep going. Maybe it's stubbornness.

But when I die it's game over. I'm not scared in the least of death, it's just the end. Getting there though still is an issue. I just have a feeling that getting there is gonna be painful and I learned a long time ago to avoid pain if you can.

This is gonna sound horrible but most people don't appreciate the absence of pain. It could never happen or work, but I think everyone should undergo a period of at least a couple days of hellish pain. It makes you reconsider life. Course I didn't have an choice.

So here's to the future. I'm gonna try to enjoy whatever I can. Be it a supermodel in a luxury penthouse or a can of peaches in the zombie apocalypse.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

The_Blob said:


> personally?... one word: stubbornness
> 
> I refuse to give "the bastards" the satisfaction of breaking me.
> 
> Also, I have NO problem with achieving what others might consider a pyrrhic victory.


I'm very stubborn and I don't want "the bastards" to win. Unfortunately, they already got the satisfaction of "breaking me" and I've been trying to pick up the pieces for a long time.

I worry that I might be stubborn enough to say to myself, "I'm not going to let them take my life. I'll beat them to it and not give them the satisfaction." I've thought that way before.

Pyrrhic, I had to look it up, it's a pretty cool word. When I checked the origin of the word I had a big smile on my face.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

bahramthered said:


> Want too? There's a choice?


I think were faced with choices everyday and don't give them much thought. I know I don't have control over the direction the world is headed but, I think I might be able to try and control the way I think about thing's, with a lot of effort.


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

Some of it can be helpful. I would add that it's important to take it one day at a time and not spend your time worrying about a lot of things that aren't likely to happen or you can't control anyway. I learned to do that when my late first wife was in and out of the hospital a lot. And one time when she was in a medication-induced coma and I didn't know if she would wake up with a fully functioning brain or not.

You could add that it's important to distrust emotions that don't fit the facts. Some women think all men are jerks because the last three boyfriends they had were. What it really shows is that the only common denominator in all your failed relationships is you.

I don't think the "see but don't evaluate" and "take a nonjudmental stance" are that useful. Neither is "Acknowledge the harmful, the unwholesome but don't judge it." I don't think it's ever helpful to be in a dysfunctional or abusive situation and not call it for what it is. The most important thing in any situation or relationship is the truth. We need to strive to see what the truth is regardless of where that realization could take us. You shouldn't make excuses for the behavior of the person you're in a relationship with and you shouldn't ever make a habit out of it. I remember when my sister would always make excuses for her husband. "He has a stressful job." No, he's a coldhearted jerk who favors his son and as far as I know, has never hugged his daughter. (I was close to my niece when she was little. I remember one time she said, "Daddy, I mean Billy".) I never thought much of the guy. I got sick of her trying to convince me he was a good guy when I never thought he treated her well enough. In fact, he became a model for how I would never treat my wife when I got married.

We're given a moral compass for a reason. We get into more trouble when we try to turn it off. It's pretty sad that most 8 year olds have a clearer sense of right and wrong than a lot of adults do.


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## lazydaisy67 (Nov 24, 2011)

There's pain going on right now. All around us. The 50-something couple who has to let their house go back to the bank because he had to change jobs. The single mom whose kid gets diagnosed with cancer, the teenager who found out she's pregnant. Everybody suffers in their own pain from time to time. Having said that, I refuse to give up on life. Either enjoying it or living it to it's fullest. When we look ahead to a dismal future, instead of thinking how utterly crappy and horrifying it will be, scale down a notch or two and think about small ways that you personally could make it better for one other individual. How do I know what is to come? Could we all end up in camps with little food and propaganda blasting from loud speakers? Yes we could, but maybe within that camp you could hold a crying baby at night so it's mother could get some sleep. Maybe you could hold an old man's hand as he slips away from this world frightened and alone with nobody else to cling to. The value of your life isn't measured by the hard things you have to endure, your value is measured by the things you can do to help another person's life be a little bit better. That's just my opinion and maybe it's trite, but I live by it and sometimes it's the only thing that carries me through.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

BillS said:


> Some of it can be helpful. I would add that it's important to take it one day at a time and not spend your time worrying about a lot of things that aren't likely to happen or you can't control anyway. I learned to do that when my late first wife was in and out of the hospital a lot. And one time when she was in a medication-induced coma and I didn't know if she would wake up with a fully functioning brain or not.
> 
> You could add that it's important to distrust emotions that don't fit the facts. Some women think all men are jerks because the last three boyfriends they had were. What it really shows is that the only common denominator in all your failed relationships is you.
> 
> I don't think the "see but don't evaluate" and "take a nonjudmental stance" are that useful. Neither is "Acknowledge the harmful, the unwholesome but don't judge it." I don't think it's ever helpful to be in a dysfunctional or abusive situation and not call it for what it is. The most important thing in any situation or relationship is the truth. We need to strive to see what the truth is regardless of where that realization could take us.


I've had a really hard time with that as well. When we first moved in to our home we rented out a room to a local young man and he brought "friends" to the house. A neighbor told me that one of them was a registered sex-offender and I flipped out. It messed with my mind that someone capable of that, could even breath the same air and I judged him very harshly. My judgments never really affected him but, they really affected me, I was angry, felt powerless to do anything about the injustice. I was directed to this site and it changed my understanding of judgment a bit more but, I still don't get it.

http://peacefulplanetcommunication.com/2011/03/24/let-go-of-judgment-five-tips-for-lettin-love-in/


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## stayingthegame (Mar 22, 2011)

try being handicapped by sever RA, have your hubby suffer a heart attack that's takes 80% of his heart, I have a child that is handicapped (can barely talk, walk, or take care of himself) because of a stroke during surgery to save his life. he getting better but will never be on his own. I am looking at being in a wheel chair because I can not afford the meds I need due to hubby's condition. he has no insurance and needs meds we can't afford too. 

life goes on and we do the best we can with what we have. being down about what ails you only uses up energy that can be used to enjoy the day. 

live life, don't die, keep living just to piss "THEM" off.


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## Ration-AL (Apr 18, 2012)

personally, i subscribe to the Buddhist mindset in general when life gets me down, i've fractured my neck,crushed 3 disc's in my back and exploded my knee and femur from various accidents, i had to re-learn how to walk twice after a couple of accidents, 5-8 months of wheel chairs and pain, as well as cluster head aches that come and go from time to time....seriously you want to talk pain, look up cluster head aches......


> "Cluster headache is probably the worst pain that humans experience. I know that's quite a strong remark to make, but if you ask a cluster headache patient if they've had a worse experience, they'll universally say they haven't. Women with cluster headache will tell you that an attack is worse than giving birth. So you can imagine that these people give birth without anesthetic once or twice a day, for six, eight, or ten weeks at a time, and then have a break. It's just awful."


i don't necessarily believe in Buddhism as a religion but they have some pretty cool/good teachings in dealing with pain,unsatisfaction, and discontent, i draw my strength in bad times knowing that basically this is just life, there is bad and there is good, suffering will end just as happiness will , the experience of being alive, breathing the air, being HERE is all i need, anything more is me wanting or wishing for something and is bound to lead to being unhappy or discontent.....


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## bahramthered (Mar 10, 2012)

FutureFriendly said:


> I think were faced with choices everyday and don't give them much thought. I know I don't have control over the direction the world is headed but, I think I might be able to try and control the way I think about thing's, with a lot of effort.


Hell yes, life is choices. They impact every aspect of your existence. It's crazy how small of one can chance you your life. You deal, adapt and survive, or you opt out.


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## TheAnt (Jun 7, 2011)

So many of the above posts where phenomenal! Thank you! :2thumb:

I believe the mindset (or mental/spiritual preparation) is absolutely the most important preparation anyone can make for *ANY* future event. We can all prepare for our favorite pet disaster and have another befall us and render many or most of our physical preps useless but proper mental/spiritual preparation is *ALWAYS* useful, its lightweight, concealable, transferable, and cannot be taken from you. Most of all it is infallable and guaranteed!

That said, as a Christian the following things ring true to me and should help Christians deal with disaster and keep a proper mindset:

-You are a child of God and God is a perfect parent who loves his children and desires only the best for them.

-Things are not always as they seem. A disaster in your life has a purpose in Gods will and Gods purposes always benefits those whose faith remains in Him. Trust God even when things appear catastrophic and unfair.

-Your life has a purpose in Gods perfect will. Until God calls you home you still have a purpose and a mission. Look to Christ as the example of how to fulfill your purpose and mission.

-In Gods eyes, one salvaged soul is worth all the pain a lifetime on this Earth can accumulate. Don't let pain keep you from fulfilling your purpose and mission -- wear it as a badge of honor.

-There are *MANY* things in this life worse than dying. Do not fear death.

-Immediately upon finding yourself in a disaster realize that God allowed this disaster and there is blessing to be found in it. Then look around you for others that you can help and encourage. This can be dangerous but also eternally rewarding -- still, use good discernment and be prayerful.

I could go on but these are some things that help me. The last one is especially difficult because our human tendency when things get bad is to take care of #1. Christs example is to first look to God for strength then to look for opportunity to (wisely) provide for the needs of others. In the heat of the moment to recognise the situation for what it is (an opportunitity) is not easy!


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

Trying to doing something tangible and measurable to prepare, help's make me feel better. Also, my man and I had a talk and we agreed that I'm not to be alone with weapons. He has said that he will hold a key to any weapons lock up or bag and guard it. It's not much but, I trust him and it made me feel better.


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## TheAnt (Jun 7, 2011)

FutureFriendly said:


> Trying to doing something tangible and measurable to prepare, help's make me feel better. Also, my man and I had a talk and we agreed that I'm not to be alone with weapons. He has said that he will hold a key to any weapons lock up or bag and guard it. It's not much but, I trust him and it made me feel better.


What if something happens to him? I would think you would want a key too... I mean, you're not trying to tell us you are actually suicidal are you? Here is a thought -- have some kids, they will make you want to survive if only to see them survive.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

TheAnt said:


> What if something happens to him? I would think you would want a key too... I mean, you're not trying to tell us you are actually suicidal are you? Here is a thought -- have some kids, they will make you want to survive if only to see them survive.


I've though about that, having to search his corps for a key, it's not ideal but, it's something. I'm not currently suicidal though, I have been, many times. We have wanted to have children for a very long time and I agree having a children may increase the desire to survive, if not for you, for them.


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## TheAnt (Jun 7, 2011)

FutureFriendly said:


> I've though about that, having to search his corps for a key, it's not ideal but, it's something. I'm not currently suicidal though, I have been, many times. We have wanted to have children for a very long time and I agree having a child may increase the desire to survive, if not for you, for them.


I dont know that I have ever been suicidal though there were times when I was a younger lad that I thought I might not want to live... I snapped back to reality before I did anything stupid thankfully. The truth is that life is worth all the pain and heartache it can throw at you.

This is how I look at my life and existence (afterlife): Even if I happen to be very healthy and fortunate I will probably not have 100 years on this Earth before I spend eternity in heaven. Now everyone knows heaven will be great and in heaven we will all be perfect -- the same is not true for us on Earth. Our lifetime is like a race and we only get one shot at it. The race is not against everyone else but against our own imperfection. The things we accomplish, the disasters we overcome, and especially the lives we can impact in a positive way -- those are our trophies. Once my life is done and my race is run I cannot go back and strive for any of those trophies again. If you think about it 100 years is a REALLY short amount of time and we waste so much of it but even one of those trophies will be priceless in eternity. While I am still on this Earth I can help someone else through the pain and hardship of their race and in that way we are both winners! Currently I have two young children and its amazing how many things in my life I used to do for myself and now so much of what I do I do with them in mind. I hope they will be the greatest testament to my race and an eternal trophy for me to brag on.

If that encourages you to continue to prepare mentally/spiritually until the day you leave this life then we are both better off for it! Prep on! :kiss:


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

TheAnt said:


> The race is not against everyone else but against our own imperfection. The things we accomplish, the disasters we overcome, and especially the lives we can impact in a positive way -- those are our trophies.


I really like that, thank you.

It is a bit funny, someone working hard to prepare to try and survive major calamity, disaster, fallout but, wondering if they would have the fortitude to stay the course when it actually happens.

I can't help but think about how many people with potential to contribute, to rebuild and try and make a better world. Might not be able to cope and find the will to carry on.


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## The_Blob (Dec 24, 2008)

bahramthered said:


> This is gonna sound horrible; but most people don't appreciate the absence of pain. It could never happen or work, but I think everyone should undergo a period of at least a couple days of hellish pain. It makes you reconsider life. Course I didn't have an choice.


that weird disconnect when you have a (relatively) pain-free day?... yeah, I've been there. :beercheer:

not so sure I would wish some of this on others (ok, maaaaaybe on some  ) but I know what you mean about appreciation


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## surviving (Jun 5, 2012)

yes it's true, this off the grid survivalist life style is hard, but the hardest part is the mind set, not what kind of survival toys you have.

Peace
Sheila
survivingsurvivalism.com


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

surviving said:


> yes it's true, this off the grid survivalist life style is hard, but the hardest part is the mind set, not what kind of survival toys you have.
> 
> Peace
> Sheila
> survivingsurvivalism.com


If there were a thumbs down button, I'd use it. How nice for you to be in your own little "self-sustainable" paradise. I don't think it's all that, "self-sustainable" though, selling information over the net to people who feel vulnerable. I hope you help someone, yourself.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

FutureFriendly said:


> If there were a thumbs down button, I'd use it.
> How nice for you to be in your own little "self-sustainable" paradise. I don't think it's all that, "self-sustainable" though, selling information over the net to people who feel vulnerable. I hope you help someone, yourself.


I apologize if I offended anyone with my last post. It really pisses me off how so many well informed people, don't get that not may people have money right now. My question is why didn't you add a free strategy, something that helps you?

You've done it already, does that make you above those who have been trying to get where you are but, have been down-pressed based on economics?

Your book might be really good. It's the post that seemed like a sound bit from a sales man.

Hopium or changium, anyone. = That part of the post was not very constructive and did not make me feel good.


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## BillM (Dec 29, 2010)

*Some advise*



FutureFriendly said:


> I apologize if I offended anyone with my last post. It really pisses me off how so many well informed people, don't get that not may people have money right now. My question is why didn't you add a free strategy, something that helps you?
> 
> You've done it already, does that make you above those who have been trying to get where you are but, have been down-pressed based on economics?
> 
> ...


Future Friendly, If you did not want to survive, you would not be hanging out on this forum. Everyone is depressed sometimes. They may be depressed because of their cercumstances or they may be depressed because of a chemical imballance. Either way the resulting feeling is the same. The will to live or survive is always a decision. the decision should never be based on how you feel at a particular moment because nothing stays the same. If the future makes you afraid, it may also give you great happyness. Like Forrest says" you just don't know what you are gonna get". Many people fear the unknown but fear is always of somthing that has not happened yet. Once the feared thing happens, you no longer fear it. Never let any unknown thing consume you. God is right there whether we realize it or not and we ultimatly are not in charge . Be at peace with the moment !


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

BillM said:


> Be at peace with the moment !


That is the goal, I think it takes work though, for me at least.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

*Trying, to be pleased with what I post.*



bahramthered said:


> For starters I tried to stop biting the heads off people I disagree with, especially on issues where reasonable people might disagree. I've lost track of the number of posts I've typed and deleted to try to be true to this but, that might be already a losing case.


I too, have posted many thing's, many times, that afterword I have removed. Now, I try to take my time before I post, I like to start in a document page and edit several times. This is part due to being emotional about a subject and being "labeled" as having a "learning disability" has played a role as well.

Often I wish it was referred to as a "unique, different, non-traditional, learning ability" but, more often than not, we don't consider the power words carry. Now, I try not to remove post's but, rather clarify them or show how and why my opinion has changed. Also, try not to take myself to seriously and have a good laugh when I think someone is potentially laughing at me. I might as well have some fun too. :dunno: :soapbox2:

This is the opening song from the Peter Tosh captured concert, he is a preacher that has inspired me.


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

BillM said:


> chemical imballance.


This well accepted term, is one that I think is used to encourage people to explore eugenics. I think it promotes the idea that there is a good way for a brain to work and a bad way. Some might think they are better off disregarding the thought's of those that don't think the same way or experience the world differently but, I think if we can respect each others differences, it would help give us all freedom.


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## FatTire (Mar 20, 2012)

I self medicate


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## FutureFriendly (Jun 4, 2012)

I have been self medicating for a long time too. It really helped and then it just stopped. I am trying to stay away from things that might alterer my natural state because I'm trying a homeopathic treatment. I haven't given up the cigarettes though and my lungs hurt. 

I've found it very helpful to just feel like crap for a while, journal or take notes on my physical and emotional symptoms as well as the situations that affect me most. I was really skeptical but, it's been the more effective for me than any medication I've tried and I'm still yet to receive a remedy. 

I was waiting to post about it until the treatment was complete but, I thought if someone couldn't afford a remedy, they might get a very new self awareness by just doing the work and letting it go by burning it or something?

After I posted this, I thought about it and the role of the homeopath in the process it is probably very important if you are comfortable with them and have faith in your remedy. Also I wouldn't want my homeopath to think I'm trying to put him or anyone else carrying on this tradition out of work.

I'm just trying my best to come up with things anyone could do on a budget if they believed in it and worked on it.


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## TheAnt (Jun 7, 2011)

I dont mean to sound insensitive or mean but the truth is that when I feel the most depressed and downtrodden is when I am the most self-centered. In case anyone finds that is true for them as well lets put some things into perspective:

I am not the center of the universe. Feelings, like toes, are bound to get stepped on -- dont take everything so personal. Not everything is about me. Instead of worrying about my condition and what everyone thinks about me I should spend more time caring for someone else and focus on letting others know they are loved. I should concern myself with others well-being more than my own.

Along those lines, here is a young man that is going through something painful in his life and could use your encouragement and prayers. He has inspired me to keep my chin up when I feel down in the dumps:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ethanhalfpenny


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