# Relatives that could be difficult after TSHTF



## BillS (May 30, 2011)

I'm sure everyone has relatives that they'll be taking in that will be a problem one way or another after it hits the fan.

My sister-in-law and her husband are moving to Texas after she retires. He's there now. I hope things will happen in such a way that she'll be stuck here after it hits the fan. We get along with her. We love her. She would be a big help after it hits the fan. Her husband has a lot of mental health issues and would be a constant problem even before his meds run out. We can't take her in if he comes too.

My daughter-in-law presents some challenges too. She's a fine person. It's just that she's a non-prepper. None of her family is prepping. And she has a huge close extended family. They know we're prepping but they think I'm crazy. After it hits the fan I won't be taking in her brother, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or any of them. There could be 50 mouths to feed on her side of the family. If we can't feed them for a year there's no point in giving them any food. It just delays the inevitable. So, to make a short story long, it will be up to me to tell her at some point that none of them can move in with us and no we don't have any extra food we can give them.


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## weedygarden (Apr 27, 2011)

BillS said:


> I'm sure everyone has relatives that they'll be taking in that will be a problem one way or another after it hits the fan.
> 
> My sister-in-law and her husband are moving to Texas after she retires. He's there now. I hope things will happen in such a way that she'll be stuck here after it hits the fan. We get along with her. We love her. She would be a big help after it hits the fan. Her husband has a lot of mental health issues and would be a constant problem even before his meds run out. We can't take her in if he comes too.
> 
> My daughter-in-law presents some challenges too. She's a fine person. It's just that she's a non-prepper. None of her family is prepping. And she has a huge close extended family. They know we're prepping but they think I'm crazy. After it hits the fan I won't be taking in her brother, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or any of them. There could be 50 mouths to feed on her side of the family. If we can't feed them for a year there's no point in giving them any food. It just delays the inevitable. So, to make a short story long, it will be up to me to tell her at some point that none of them can move in with us and no we don't have any extra food we can give them.


I think your son and daughter-in-law live with you. I believe that you have been very "out there" with prepping. I believe that anyone and everyone who knows about any of us who are prepping will be desperate at some point in time and make a beeline to our places.

You may have decided that you will not take care of any of her family. It will certainly be easier said than done for any of us. I believe that your bigger problem will be security. While she may be inside with you, and 50 of her family members are outside, you may have to consider options that will not be desirable.

When I say that, this will be true for many of us. Any chain is as strong as the weakest link.


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## hdb90 (May 1, 2012)

Earlier this year we took in my daughter and her boyfriend. She had a baby and some other health problems arose. As soon as they moved in the problems began. He's on welfare and believes everyone should take care of him. In the two weeks they lived with us was a real eye opener. I stopped and rethought the whole scenario of taking in family when TSHTF. Just because you help someone doesn't mean they appreciate it.
My oldest step son was over this past weekend. He's the only one to see any of our preps. He and his wife all but laughed in our face when we brought up prepping to them. Her family and his dads family will most likely have their hands out if something happens.


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## dixiemama (Nov 28, 2012)

Oldest sister in law (36) and her hubs do not prep; they are too lazy to do anything really and will be a problem. My other sis in law (34) was prepping but for whatever reason has dropped off the wagon so to speak; her oldest (10) is a complete gridaholic and will have some serious issues with no electronic entertainment. Her hubs has a host of mental/physical issues that will only get worse when they do not have access to meds so he's a concern. She is a hard worker (as her husband was {LEO} before he got hurt), and her daughters (8 & 7) will be some help due to their ages. My husbands parents are not prepping and will not last long SHTF; they have too many health issues that require meds and equipment run by electricity. They have the 'whatever happens, happens; it won't last long enough to worry about' mentality and think I'm bat shit crazy. 

My family: my mother has epilepsy and early onset dementia. If she has a task to focus on, she's fine. She is in charge of the animals. Her seizure meds will be an issue SHTF, especially long term. My grandfather is not in the best of health but is invaluable when it comes to old school know how. My sister is disabled with Spina Bifida but ambulatory enough to get around. She doesn't have any skills but prepping on $600 a month, with rent, utilities, and co-pays, she has 3 months of food for her and her dog and keeps adding monthly. Plus, she's always on the lookout for yard sales for clothes for everyone's BOB. 

I have friends/family that I will have to turn away as much as it will pain me.


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## Padre (Oct 7, 2011)

Two thoughts, once the SHTF and they realize that no one "from the government" is coming to save them it is possible that they will start to appreciate the safety you offer them.

This is just another reason why Bugging out attracts me, aside from the fact that my BOL neighbors are self-sufficient, none of them are family, and so if an unwelcomed guest comes up the drive I will have greater clarity about how to react!

Everyone I take to my BOL in good times would be welcome there if the SHTF and although my stored food is designed to winter 10 and can't feed us all (my family is 10, but there are 4-6 other families numbering between 20-30 others), with what they bring, and what we can hunt, gather, barter for, and farm (in the long term) I think we will survive. New England has abundant source of food if you know where to look.


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## KaiWinters (Jan 4, 2013)

What I find interesting is telling people about prepping.
In most cases I'm reading about in this thread you already know these people are irresponsible and "no accounts" or the type that will not understand yet you tell them about your preps and even show some of them. I don't understand that at all. I tell practically no one...why? it is no ones business but mine and my wifes...who is into prepping...we have enough tp to last several years hehehe.

I too have unsavory, bat sh i t crazy, lazy, rude, crude and etc. family members...not only do I not tell them about my stuff but I absolutely do not talk to them about prepping...the last thing I want is those no accounts banging on my door wanting their "share" of what my wife and I have worked so hard to accumulate...screw em !


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## weedygarden (Apr 27, 2011)

*They will make the rounds, whether they know or not!*

When SHTF, people will go to everyone they know and check out what they can get. If we have a bunch of irresponsible, lazy family members, they will work their group to see who can help. And if they know there are family members who usually have their poop in one group, they will expect that these are the people to ask for help.

I imagine a time when this happens, they knock on the door and ask if you can help. If you answer the door that is. I have a tall pantry cupboard in my kitchen that is fairly full of canned goods. I think I will have to move food out of the kitchen and into a space that is innaccessible to visitors.

Imagine that you have made some bread. Fresh made bread smells and there is no hiding that you have it. "No, we don't have any food either."

What if our visitors have come a long distance, many miles, maybe hundreds. That makes a difference. Would you turn them away then? I can only think of one or two people who would knock on my door. I would feed them.

I have a friend who says she will cook for people from her huge food stores. She is planning on it. Most of us are ill equipped to take on others. We will be lucky to help ourselves if the situation gets dire enough.

My grandparents had neighbors come over during the dirty 30s. They arrived around 11:00 in the morning. My grandparents were embarrassed that all they had to eat were some pretty soft potatoes. They were going to make a soup but were embarrassed that that was all they had, so they waited for the neighbors to leave. Later, they learned that the neighbors had nothing to eat and that was why they came over. Everyone was embarrassed and ashamed of their situation.

My grandparents later said that what happened during the 30s could and would probably happen again.

I too stay away from most of my family. They are mean spirited narcissists. Who needs that?


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## Wellrounded (Sep 25, 2011)

I won't give anything away, I don't now. We grow a lot here on the farm that we share with our kids and their families and one friend and his family. Nothing is a gift though, we always ask for something in exchange, usually labour. They know how much effort and hard work we put into this place. We want them all to come here if things go bad. The problem is that their extended families aren't welcome, I know a few are a waste of space and don't know others well enough to judge. They all live long distances away, I just hope if the S does HTF that they aren't down this way visiting at the time. The one 'extra' that I'm pretty sure would end up here would be my DH's ex, she'd come with one of the kids, really don't want her here, certainly not staying on the farm. She didn't cope with country life last time she was here, don't think she'd do well if there were no modern conveniences. Only thing I can think of is to tell my DH that she is his eldest son's responsibility not his anymore and certainly not MINE.


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## Indiana_Jones (Nov 15, 2011)

The first 4 or 5 posts in this thread seem to indicate a whiney "I'm afraid to speak up" mentality. I'm not calling anyone names here - I'm just saying that lots of people shy away from speaking up for themselves. And this could lead to disaster if TSHTF.

If you do not intend to include others in your prepping plans, it's OK. But for heaven's sake tell them so. Or else hide the fact that you're prepping and do not tell anyone.

Failure to let people know, right up front, is a definite weakness of character and will certainly invite problems. I think it's perfectly alright to tell folks (if you tell them anything at all) that you're prepping for 2 or 3 or 4 people (or what ever the case may be) only and that you do not plan to provide ANYTHING to ANYONE outside that group. Saying something like that is OK - it's your life, your preparations, and your choice. If someone does not like it it's their problem not yours.

Man-up.


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## bigg777 (Mar 18, 2013)

We all are delusional, if we think we are precient and can predict how we will deal with a SHTF scenario. We can't even predict with any certainty what we will be doing a week, a month from now. We can't know what SHTF scenario(s) may play out.

Make your plans, but remember adatability is the trait that will be most valuable if TEOTWAWKI happens. Even some of those that aren't "prepped" will adapt and thrive. Some that are prepped will fail miserably, because they refuse to adjust their plan as the situation evolves.

I'm not saying become a wellfare state, what I'm saying is:

Keep an open mind.


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## TheLazyL (Jun 5, 2012)

They story below tells why my mother-in-law will be welcome but the rest of the in-laws are not.


Once upon a time there was a little red hen. She lived with a pig, a duck and a cat.

They all lived in a pretty little house which the little red hen liked to keep clean and tidy. The little red hen worked hard at her jobs all day. The others never helped. Although they said they meant to, they were all far too lazy. The pig liked to grunt in the mud outside, the duck used to swim in the pond all day, and the cat enjoyed lying in the sun, purring.

One day the little red hen was working in the garden when she found a grain of corn.

"Who will plant this grain of corn?" she asked.

"Not I," grunted the pig from his muddy patch in the garden.

"Not I," quacked the duck from her pond.

"Not I," purred the cat from his place in the sun.

So the little red hen went to look for a nice bit of earth, scratched it with her feet and planted the grain of corn.

During the summer the grain of corn grew. First it grew into a tall green stalk, then it ripened in the sun until it had turned a lovely golden colour. The little red hen saw that the corn was ready for cutting.

"Who will help me cut the corn?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," grunted the pig from his muddy patch in the garden.

"Not I," quacked the duck from her pond.

"Not I," purred the cat from his place in the sun.

"Very well then, I will cut it myself," said the little red hen. Carefully she cut the stalk and took out all the grains of corn from the husks.

"Who will take the corn to the mill, so that it can be ground into flour?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," grunted the pig from his muddy patch in the garden.

"Not I," quacked the duck from her pond.

"Not I," purred the cat from his place in the sun.

So the little red hen took the corn to the mill herself, and asked the miller if he would be so kind as to grind it into flour.

In time the miller sent a little bag of flour down to the house where the little red hen lived with the pig and the duck and the cat.

"Who will help me to make the flour into bread?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," grunted the pig from his muddy patch in the garden.

"Not I," quacked the duck from her pond.

"Not I," purred the cat from his place in the sun.

"Very well," said the little red hen. "I shall make the bread myself." She went into her neat little kitchen. She mixed the flour into dough. She kneaded the dough and put it into the oven to bake.

Soon there was a lovely smell of hot fresh bread. It filled all the corners of the house and wafted out into the garden. The pig came into the kitchen from his muddy patch in the garden, the duck came in from the pond and the cat left his place in the sun. When the little red hen opened the oven door the dough had risen up and had turned into the nicest, most delicious looking loaf of bread any of them had seen.

"Who is going to eat this bread?" asked the little red hen.

"I will," grunted the pig.

"I will," quacked the duck.

"I will," purred the cat.

"Oh no, you won't," said the little red hen. "I planted the seed, I cut the corn, I took it to the mill to be made into flour, and I made the bread, all by myself. I shall now eat the loaf all by myself."

The pig, the duck and the cat all stood and watched as the little red hen ate the loaf all by herself. It was delicious and she enjoyed it, right to the very last crumb.


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## dixiemama (Nov 28, 2012)

It's hard to hide a 2 acres garden when everyone lives on the same 30 acres. I'm a very open person; I don't believe anything good comes from lying or omission. My inlaws think they don't have the funds to prep and that the govmt will take care of everything anyway. I am living proof that you can prep on less than $15 a week and still survive. 

I don't go screaming it in the middle of Walmart parking lot that I prep, I also don't pay for my preps with my bank card-it's all cash. I do however feel out a person/couple on how receptive they are to the idea then work it into the conversation. When it comes to my family, it was a group discussion/decision. The neighbor came to us asking for a chain and crank winch to get scrap metal out of ppls yards/creeks for extra money. When he saw me packing in canning jars from my grandfather (57 of various sizes), he asked if his wife cld come help because they were going to put out a garden and she needed to learn how to can. His exact words to my husband were 'shits gettin bad, we gotta survive Bub'. 

All of the trees we have taken off our mountain due to the coal mine blow out are either cut for fire wood or are going to be used to make bowls, trenchers, plates,etc. and he's helped my husband every day for over a month outside in exchange for garden seeds and extra tools. 

I'll help anyone I can as long as they are willing to help themselves.


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## TheLazyL (Jun 5, 2012)

Padre said:


> Two thoughts, once the SHTF and they realize that no one "from the government" is coming to save them it is possible that they will start to appreciate the safety you offer them.


I would suspect very few will get "religion". The majority will revert back to their "normal" behavior.

Case in point.

Brother-in-law would face jail time for failure to pay child support to the Ex (nice lady) so he would leave the state. When he ran out of "friends" to borrow from and to support him he'd would call his parents and claim he has changed.

Parents would pay the back child support; let him move back in with them with conditions. After getting fired from numerous jobs and failing to live up to the conditions or promises, his parents would kick him out.

The back child support would accumulate again, facing jail time, he'd move out of state again and the cycle would repeat several times until he died of Pneumonia/HIV.


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## weedygarden (Apr 27, 2011)

TheLazyL said:


> They story below tells why my mother-in-law will be welcome but the rest of the in-laws are not.
> 
> Once upon a time there was a little red hen. She lived with a pig, a duck and a cat.
> 
> ...


This is exactly how I have felt many times in my life, especially as a child growing up with narcissistic grandparents and family. Cinderella is another story that fits.

And this is exactly how I see life for many of us after "the fall".


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

Indiana_Jones said:


> The first 4 or 5 posts in this thread seem to indicate a whiney "I'm afraid to speak up" mentality. I'm not calling anyone names here - I'm just saying that lots of people shy away from speaking up for themselves. And this could lead to disaster if TSHTF.
> 
> If you do not intend to include others in your prepping plans, it's OK. But for heaven's sake tell them so. Or else hide the fact that you're prepping and do not tell anyone.
> 
> ...


There's no point in telling some people that you won't provide for them after it hits the fan because they don't believe it will ever happen. After it hits the fan I'm not opening the door to talk to anyone. Not unless I sense that God is telling me who's there and that I should let them in. At some point I'll have to tell my daughter-in-law that we have no extra food for her family. I don't look forward to that but I won't wimp out when that time comes either.


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## Wellrounded (Sep 25, 2011)

Indiana_Jones said:


> The first 4 or 5 posts in this thread seem to indicate a whiney "I'm afraid to speak up" mentality. I'm not calling anyone names here - I'm just saying that lots of people shy away from speaking up for themselves. And this could lead to disaster if TSHTF.
> 
> If you do not intend to include others in your prepping plans, it's OK. But for heaven's sake tell them so. Or else hide the fact that you're prepping and do not tell anyone.
> 
> ...


Ummm tell them what. I'm pretty sure most peoples' families would laugh themselves silly if you even bring up the subject. I know most of the extended family I have would have a great laugh about the crazy relatives that think the worlds going to end. Some of our children know we have a store room, but we don't call ourselves preppers, not even to them, just homesteaders. They know though that if they need help for whatever reason our home is their home.
The one person I'm worried about turning up here (Hubbys ex) sent us a message a while ago...... "Not sure what I'm going to do after I retire, I might have to move back to the farm." They split up 15 years ago and she still thinks he'll look after her! We told her she is ABSOLUTELY NOT welcome here, not even to visit. She earns well over $100,000 a year and has not put one cent or anything else aside other than what our gov. makes you put away. She never has a cent and is always complaining about being dead broke. I'm pretty sure she thinks we didn't mean it and that we'll find somewhere for her here, damn crazy woman! That's if the world stays pretty stable, if the SHTF I sure she'd think we'd look after her reguardless of what we say now.


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## IlliniWarrior (Nov 30, 2010)

KaiWinters said:


> What I find interesting is telling people about prepping.
> In most cases I'm reading about in this thread you already know these people are irresponsible and "no accounts" or the type that will not understand yet you tell them about your preps and even show some of them. I don't understand that at all. I tell practically no one...why? it is no ones business but mine and my wifes...who is into prepping...we have enough tp to last several years hehehe.
> 
> I too have unsavory, bat sh i t crazy, lazy, rude, crude and etc. family members...not only do I not tell them about my stuff but I absolutely do not talk to them about prepping...the last thing I want is those no accounts banging on my door wanting their "share" of what my wife and I have worked so hard to accumulate...screw em !


what you need to keep in mind is that you aren't just breaking OPSEC to just your confident .... post - SHTF, food, clean water, housing, power and security is going to be like sitting on a pile of gold .... any and all of these relatives, friends, neighbors that you turn away will become begrudged informants ..... innocently or purposely they are going to be talking about the a-hole with all this booty he/she won't share ..... I certainly wish you luck when a refugee camp of desperate people head your direction ....


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## tsrwivey (Dec 31, 2010)

We tell no one we prep, period. If anyone were to show up post SHTF wanting to stay with us, I really don't see it as a moral dilemma to tell them no. Quiet simply it's either I fee them or I feed my kids. That's an easy enough choice for me to make & enforce with whatever means are necessary. :dunno:


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## usingmyrights (Mar 26, 2013)

If SHTF I think that my inlaws (except for one SIL and her family) would come to my place if they could (running vehicles). My FIL would be an asset. My MIL could go.either way. I don't know how much food theyd be bringing. My other SIL and her family though would be about worthless. Just extra mouths to feed since they most likely wouldn't have any food to bring. They have two young children though that I wouldn't want to see suffer. As far as talking to them about it. It'd fall on death eats with the SIL. One opsec plus is I did just move most of my canned goods out of the pantry into a different closet. It looks like we have much less now because even if the other closet is opened, the layout makes it look to be less.


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## dixiemama (Nov 28, 2012)

I have a sis in law like that using---except no kids. They know we prep (we all live on the same large tract with one road in/out), have seen some of our stash but don't know the extent of it all. They are useless on any given day, SHTF, waste of oxygen. Her hubs actually said he wanted his gout to get worse so he cld draw a check and not have to work:eye bulge:


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## usingmyrights (Mar 26, 2013)

I think with a lot of work, I mean a lot, the husband could be taught a little something. Itd have to be a SHTF event though where his family's well being depend on it. He went camping with my FIL this past weekend and couldn't even split firewood, so it would take a lot of work.


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## VoorTrekker (Oct 7, 2012)

IlliniWarrior said:


> ...what you need to keep in mind is that you aren't just breaking OPSEC to just your confident .... post - SHTF, .... any and all of these relatives, friends, neighbors that you turn away will become begrudged informants ... innocently or purposely they are going to be talking about the a-hole with all this booty he/she won't share ...I certainly wish you luck when a refugee camp of desperate people head your direction ...


Long ago, I had a "refugee" family staying with me. It didn't work out and I had the electricity turned off for a month. (Assumption of us "weak Americans") They couldn't take it and moved out.

Point: Worthless people do show up. Don't feed them. Cook and serve one's family away from the house, or another safe place wearing a "dinner smock" and wash face and hands immediately after meals. When informed that you have no food and don't feed them, they will leave.


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## Dixie (Sep 20, 2010)

IlliniWarrior said:


> what you need to keep in mind is that you aren't just breaking OPSEC to just your confident .... post - SHTF, food, clean water, housing, power and security is going to be like sitting on a pile of gold .... any and all of these relatives, friends, neighbors that you turn away will become begrudged informants ..... innocently or purposely they are going to be talking about the a-hole with all this booty he/she won't share ..... I certainly wish you luck when a refugee camp of desperate people head your direction ....


*And then you have a real problem. People KNOW you have food and they don't care that you scrimped and saved to buy this food, they won't care that you had the foresight to plan for your family and they won't care if your family lives or dies. 
When these people start getting hungry, I mean really hungry, they will remember and turning them away or just not answering the door will not stop them from storming your home, turning your home inside out until they find everything and leaving you with nothing! If you don't answer the door they will think that with everything you had, you must have left something behind so they will still break in. 
If you have to dig a pit or move everything to a secure location,do it for they will have to see for themselves that you have used all the supplies before the SHTF and you are in the same boat. That will mean a search of your home.
Nothing was so evident to me until the news reported about a free concert this past weekend. It was free but the attendance limit had been reached so they closed the gates. The crowd didn't stop, they were climbing over the iron fence to get inside. The police were there and tried to stop them (and did stop some) but they couldn't stop all of them. These were not the bottom of the barrel people! They weren't starving, they just wanted to hear the concert....I can only imagine this could also be someone's home that MAY HAVE food inside.
You may want to plan for that type of scenario whether you feel your cover has been blown or not. Gangs will be doing the same thing.*


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