# How a family pay their debt.



## readytogo

Sometimes we tend to get carry away ;eating, buying, especially easy with the use of plastic, and nothing makes a family healthier than been debt free.

"THE WAY TO WEALTH" by Benjamin Franklin ,great little book.

How One Family Paid Off Almost $118,000 in Debt.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/one-family-paid-off-118-150646318.html


----------



## TheLazyL

Well good for them!

I assume it was their "youth" when they took on the $118,000 debt and 2 children before they gave any thought on how they were going to meet their obligations?

When we were first married the wife and I tried the envelope budget. I went to get gas money one day and instead I found a "I owe clothing" note for $10. So I went to the clothing envelope to get cash to pay the "I owe you", instead I found another "I owe Utilities". None of the envelopes had any cash, just "I owe yous"


----------



## Grimm

TheLazyL said:


> Well good for them!
> 
> I assume it was their "youth" when they took on the $118,000 debt and 2 children before they gave any thought on how they were going to meet their obligations?
> 
> When we were first married the wife and I tried the envelope budget. I went to get gas money one day and instead I found a "I owe clothing" note for $10. So I went to the clothing envelope to get cash to pay the "I owe you", instead I found another "I owe Utilities". None of the envelopes had any cash, just "I owe yous"


Your wife must be related to K! He thinks money grows on trees and he can just buy whatever he wants without worrying about the bills since I'm the one who makes sure the bills get paid! He's the one with the paycheck!


----------



## TheLazyL

Grimm said:


> Your wife must be related to K! He thinks money grows on trees and he can just buy whatever he wants without worrying about the bills since I'm the one who makes sure the bills get paid! He's the one with the paycheck!


It took "us" a few years but we finally came up with a budget that worked for us.

Automatic, generous, weekly electronic deposit into the wife's checking account. This pays for the only family obligation she is responsible for, groceries.

She quickly figured out that overdrafts are automatically covered by our savings account. I visited the bank and put a stop to that. Her next few checks bounced, plus she had penalty charges. :thumbraise:

Her income she blows on nick nacks. I pay all other bills.

Her grandfather's inheritance she did pretty good with for a while, she had it in a annual CD. Then she didn't renew the CD, poof all gone on nick nacks.

When I ask her what retirement income she was planning on having, a blank stare.

When I try and discuss down sizing and cutting expenses so I can retire at age 70, I get a "Over my dead body" look. You see the garage, basement, the 2 spare bedrooms, spare bathroom and her mother's basement are full of the wife's nick nacks. Downsizing is not an reality to her.

So I guess when I am 70 we'll be wintering down south for 3 months, 3 months she can stay at her mom's, 3 months at her younger sister's and 3 month at her older sister's. I'll be on our children's blacklist for not being supportive of their mother. I'll be wintering 12 months down south with practical expenditures for the first time since 1973. :2thumb:


----------



## backlash

TheLazyL said:


> When we were first married the wife and I tried the envelope budget. I went to get gas money one day and instead I found a "I owe clothing" note for $10. So I went to the clothing envelope to get cash to pay the "I owe you", instead I found another "I owe Utilities". None of the envelopes had any cash, just "I owe yous"


Sounds like the government.


----------



## dixiemama

We built our house ourselves when we cld, piece by piece. That's how we paid down debt. We lived with E's parents so no rent, just cook and clean (so glad to not have to do that for 7 anymore). We have house bills, groceries, insurance and 2 car payments. My student loans are minuscule. 

Sent from my MB886 using Survival Forum mobile app


----------



## Caribou

TheLazyL said:


> When we were first married the wife and I tried the envelope budget. I went to get gas money one day and instead I found a "I owe clothing" note for $10. So I went to the clothing envelope to get cash to pay the "I owe you", instead I found another "I owe Utilities". None of the envelopes had any cash, just "I owe yous"


I she a legislator by any chance?


----------



## Woody

I take out a cash 'allowance' every week. Only things NOT on it are mortgage and tax payments. Insurance I have to 'save for' out of my allowance also. I do not have a credit card, I do, however, have a debit card. I have not used it in, I can't remember when. It makes me look ahead and think of what is coming. I have $50 left on Thursday (Friday is allowance day). What do I have coming up that I need to stash away for or can I blow it today?

I have used this system for many years now. Many years. It forces me to take stock and plan for what is coming up. Vacation? Well, what do I want to sacrifice for it? It takes me all year to save enough to take the time off! Not that it might matter to some folks but you CAN save 5% using cash for some things instead of credit. 

I feel it is a great system. Using plastic is not like spending actual cash, it is the card! Who knows how much you are actually spending, who cares until the bill comes in the mail anyway. I have to [email protected]@k into the wallet and see what I have, and decide how to spend it.


----------



## helicopter5472

Woody said:


> I take out a cash 'allowance' every week. Only things NOT on it are mortgage and tax payments. Insurance I have to 'save for' out of my allowance also. I do not have a credit card, I do, however, have a debit card. I have not used it in, I can't remember when. It makes me look ahead and think of what is coming. I have $50 left on Thursday (Friday is allowance day). What do I have coming up that I need to stash away for or can I blow it today?
> 
> I have used this system for many years now. Many years. It forces me to take stock and plan for what is coming up. Vacation? Well, what do I want to sacrifice for it? It takes me all year to save enough to take the time off! Not that it might matter to some folks but you CAN save 5% using cash for some things instead of credit.
> 
> I feel it is a great system. Using plastic is not like spending actual cash, it is the card! Who knows how much you are actually spending, who cares until the bill comes in the mail anyway. I have to [email protected]@k into the wallet and see what I have, and decide how to spend it.


I am kinda the opposite, I have a debit card for which I use it for all purchases. I found if I carried cash I tended to spend it for stupid stuff. I seem to keep to my budget, unlike when I was in my 20's...


----------



## Woody

Interesting. Maybe I should try using the debit card for a few weeks and see if I spend less. I'm so used to checking to see how much 'fiat money' I have on hand to spend. I might actually spend less if I have to pull out the card and think about it.

I think I am going to give that a try.

And yes... Back to what I remember of my 20's, cash was always burning a hole in my pocket. especially when there were pretty girls involved.


----------



## partdeux

Woody said:


> Interesting. Maybe I should try using the debit card for a few weeks and see if I spend less. I'm so used to checking to see how much 'fiat money' I have on hand to spend. I might actually spend less if I have to pull out the card and think about it.
> 
> I think I am going to give that a try.
> 
> And yes... Back to what I remember of my 20's, cash was always burning a hole in my pocket. especially when there were pretty girls involved.


Doesn't follow the dave Ramsey belief that cash will led to less spending.

The rest of you, ya'll are unAmerican. It's about accumulation, no matter how much debt is created.


----------



## bbrider

If we were supposed to hang onto money, it would have handles on it.  my plan is to die so far in debt, my kids will never get out... My wife is the saver. Without her diligence, we wouldn't have anything saved or payed off. When I see all these cool things that we REALLY NEED, she will gently remind me that I need to save for a few months if I really want it. It's worked for us for 30+ years.


----------



## BillS

I started preparing a family financial statement each month. It lists our cash, our metals at acquisition cost, my business cash, my business inventory at acquisition cost, and I subtract any debt we have to come up with our net worth, not counting cars or home. Then we can compare that to last month and see how much progress we made.


----------



## Woody

partdeux said:


> Doesn't follow the dave Ramsey belief that cash will led to less spending.
> 
> The rest of you, ya'll are unAmerican. It's about accumulation, no matter how much debt is created.


Ahhh. He who dies with the most stuff wins!


----------



## tsrwivey

Woody said:


> Using plastic is not like spending actual cash, it is the card! Who knows how much you are actually spending, who cares until the bill comes in the mail anyway. I have to [email protected]@k into the wallet and see what I have, and decide how to spend it.


We use our credit card for most of our personal purchases. We don't overspend & we pay it off every month. We've done this for nearly 10 years & it works for us. For us, using a card is no less like spending money than writing checks or using cash. If anything, I'm more cautious with using a credit card, because of the threat of debt if I overspend. With a credit card, I know exactly what was spent where without having to keep track of it myself. Our percent of debt is less than 10% of our long term assets. In 5 years, we'll be debt free Including our home & enough rental property to provide for our necessities. I'm 40.

Hubby & I are both natural savers. You won't find either of us in a store, on-line, or flipping through a catalog looking for something to want. We don't shop at gas stations, we brew our own coffee, & we prepare most of our own food. We dont replace our vehicles every few years or have many of the other habits broke people have. We are frugal & exercise self control, it used to be the norm in this country but now we're a country of irresponsible, undisciplined adults acting like a 3 year old in a toy store, trying to compensate for inadequacies with stuff.


----------



## Woody

But... How do you survive without the Iphone 5G or the 60" flat screen with all the movies and stuff????? What about the game box with hand controller or the one you can jump up and down with? Don't tell us you actually go outside in the sun (which the government says is bad) without smearing yourself with chemicals to prevent exposure to it (which the government says are good). Damn. I bet your car isn't even a luxury model with all the fancy stuff that costs a fortune when it breaks. You are certainly not living the American dream. I do hope your home has at least two bathrooms for every individual living there. That is bare minimum for decent folks.


----------



## JayJay

I think if you overspend it has nothing to do with using cash OR a credit card.


----------



## Caribou

One trick I use is that when a catalog comes in I have a wonderful time marking every item that I want. I then set the catalog aside for a couple weeks. I go back through the catalog and check which of these items I still want. This eliminates most of the "I want" items and leaves me mostly with the stuff I need.

I use credit cards and pay them off each month. I learned a long time ago that if I couldn't pay cash then I couldn't use the card. It took me awhile to figure out that there was no difference between cash and credit cards. I have a friend that could never quite figure that out. The credit card companies ended her dilemma. She is doing better with cash only. Whatever works for you is fine, you just need to figure that out.


----------



## 101airborne

Wife and I are very lucky. We don't have a huge debt, her jeep is paid off, my truck almost so. we pay off the credit card monthly. ( easiest way to go for us, that way we have a record of what we spend. Groceries, gas, etc) owe less than 10k on the house. She's a college professor and makes a very good income, I am a union truck driver and make almost as much. Between both insurances ( employer paid for) we have zero medical expenses. We've been saving for years to pay for the BOL/ retirement/ vacation place. If we get the additional 75 acres adjoining it We'll borrow the money for that BUT we've started saving for that and if nothing happens would have it paid for in just over a year.

My wife is excellent at saving/ budgeting money. Me not so much..... but in my defense 95% of my "luxury" spending is geared toward items that are prep based/ related.


----------



## BillS

JayJay said:


> I think if you overspend it has nothing to do with using cash OR a credit card.


Statistics show otherwise.

http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2008/09/23/research-reveals-credit-cards-encourage-spending/

n July, Ari Shapiro of NPR's Morning Edition talked with Cornell economics professor Robert Frank about why people spend more when using credit instead of cash. Frank echoes Dave Ramsey: "Parting with [cash] is just a more vivid sensation than than abstract act of signing a pledge to pay sometime later in the future."

During their conversation, Shapiro noted, "*When McDonald's started allowing credit card purchases, the average purchase went from $4.50 up to $7.00. *That's a huge increase."


----------



## The_Blob

I'm of the 'cash hurts to spend' school of thought, physically removing bills from the wallet and seeing them disappear from my possession does 'hurt', heh. 

I try to keep the largest denominations possible ($50s & $100s), that REALLY hurts! 

I'm pretty good about stretching a dollar... my nickname is The Iron Jew 

If I have a 'frivolous' expenditure, I sell my blood plasma to get the $$$, things that literally cost 'blood, sweat, and tears' make me either rethink the purchase or resolve to make it.


----------



## vickers

In my younger years I got into trouble with credit cards. It took alot of time and dedication, but we have been able to pay off all of our credit cards. Now we just have a mortgage and 2 car loans. 

I travel some for work and got into the "miles game". All of our normal spend goes onto reward earning credit cards. To help track our expenses, we have a check register for each card. We track every expense, and pay off to zero every month. It works for us.


----------



## rf197

I'm currently selling off all my non necessity items to pay off the debt I have so I can live freely...I will not miss those "items". I'm not a free spirit weirdo either, just don't need the added stress of debt.


----------



## vickers

rf197 said:


> I'm currently selling off all my non necessity items to pay off the debt I have so I can live freely...I will not miss those "items". I'm not a free spirit weirdo either, just don't need the added stress of debt.


When it hits the fan, you dont want to be owing people money.


----------



## lazydaisy67

Thankfully, we don't have any credit cards. Learned pretty early on in our marriage that neither one of us were particularly good about not using them so we paid them all off, cut them up and haven't had any since. We also don't have any car loans. We usually just buy something used with our tax return if it's possible and drive it into the ground. Then we get $500 for it at the junk yard when it's too old and broken to be fixed anymore. The only debt we own is our house.


----------



## jeff47041

I have to admit, this is where I fail miserably. Money comes in and goes right back out. If I don't have the cash, the card comes out. 
I tell myself all of the time that I need to stop it. 2 years ago, I did a spending freeze, and I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I saved up $5000 of cash and paid something off. 
I'm 49 and am pretty sure that I'll never be debt free.


----------



## dixiemama

Thankfully E and I will be debt free in 8 years. Credit cards are being paid off with taxes, that frees up $300 for other bills. 

Sent from my MB886 using Survival Forum mobile app


----------



## singingtothewheat

In the same spot only I'm the woman and the responsible one. I get so aggravated sometimes I just wanna scream. I already told my hub that I have no idea what his plans are for retirement. If he has a nickle, he'll spend a quarter.


----------



## dixiemama

^^^^ sounds like my in laws, only its a dollar

Sent from my MB886 using Survival Forum mobile app


----------



## Woody

singingtothewheat said:


> In the same spot only I'm the woman and the responsible one. I get so aggravated sometimes I just wanna scream. I already told my hub that I have no idea what his plans are for retirement. *If he has a nickle, he'll spend a quarte*r.


That is one of the main reasons I NEVER had a credit card... EXCEPT! For the Company card I used for travel. You would get a major lashing with a wet noodle if you used it for personal debits. And yes, they compared monthly expense reports with what was actually charged.

When I open my wallet to buy something I either can buy it or not, depending on how much cash I have on hand. IF I want a new fishing pole I have to spend a little less and put that cash aside for the purchase. Okokok. I MAY have fudged this a time or two, heck I *AM a guy! I do have a debit card for emergencies though.

Sounds like the hub would be a perfect candidate for the Woodchuck budget! Go back a few months and see what money was actually spent on. I'm not talking car payments, rent or utilities, I'm talking weekly expenditures. Does he stop for coffee every morning? How much is that a week? How about lunch? Does he shop for groceries on the way home too? Gas, does he fill one car or multiple ones?

Come to a *reasonable* starting point. If he spends $200 a week on 'stuff' try and break it down. Try and make HIM see where the money is going. Say stopping for coffee and a sandwich for breakfast. Does it cost $5, $7 or $10 a day? Ok then, Let him have that. How about lunch? $10 a day? Roll with the flow to begin with. Start him with a workable budget. Give him CASH to cover that! THEN... Once he needs to actually dig into the wallet and take stock of what he has, and what he has left, it will start to sink in. Ok, maybe not but for me anyway, it sure did. You can spend like a drunken sailor (no offense to sailors in general, but I know a few merchant marines) until Wednesday, and you open the wallet and see you have $20 until 'allowance day' on Friday AFTERNOON. You start to think differently. NOW, if you want something, like that new fishing pole or reel... You need to have a few bucks every week to tuck away for it.


----------



## BillS

singingtothewheat said:


> In the same spot only I'm the woman and the responsible one. I get so aggravated sometimes I just wanna scream. I already told my hub that I have no idea what his plans are for retirement. If he has a nickle, he'll spend a quarter.


That's a situation where you might need separate finances until he grows up. He shouldn't be allowed to blow your money as well as his. Nor should he be allowed to borrow money from you. If he blows all his money and has no money for gas that should be his problem and not yours.


----------



## invision

BillS said:


> That's a situation where you might need separate finances until he grows up. He shouldn't be allowed to blow your money as well as his. Nor should he be allowed to borrow money from you. If he blows all his money and has no money for gas that should be his problem and not yours.


The bigger problem is if he has poor credit, his score will bring hers down too...

Being debt free - (from credit cards) - is a wonderful thing... I honestly think the best way for waking up, is what we did... We looked and saw over $35k on the cards - we decided no more purchases except gas and cigs on them... Within a year, $0 - yeah, I know high income - but it was still very hard to do, it made us conscious of every purchase... Now, 3 years later, we still have a pocket full of credit cards - all of them high limits... We put $1,500-$2,500 a month on them... Example, I just bought my daughter $300 worth of track stuff today, my wife has to be in Boston tomorrow - so she used her Macy's card on some winter business clothes (boots, jacket, etc - and had them overnighted - because our local stores didn't have the stuff in stock.... but when the bills come in - they are paid in full... It has made us wiser in regards to how we use them... It also allows you to have more cash on hand cause your not paying so much damn interest every month... Also, since we went to zero, we have not had a single month since when they have not been paid in full... It simply is amazing how much addition monthly income is sitting in the bank compared to what was going out in interest payments...


----------



## TheLazyL

For one month write down every purchase you make.

At the end of the month total it all up.

Then look at the list of items you bought. How many of those items were wants? Are you still glad you bought them or do you now wish you had the money for something else?

You can't save if you don't know where your money is going.


----------



## Wellrounded

Mr Micawber's famous, and oft-quoted, recipe for happiness:
"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen [pounds] nineteen [shillings] and six [pence], result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."
Charles Dickens, David Copperfield

Love this quote.

After living for 20 years with someone who would not control spending (my first husband) life now seems so much easier. We have a tiny income but seem so much better off.
I have a lot of trouble spending money, even for things I need. Hubby has to force me most of the time. I tell him what I want to buy when we go to town and he makes sure I do. If I don't tell him, I'll 'wait until next time' and go home without it.
Last time we went to town I handed hubby a list, 2 x storage barrels, 3 x storage tubs and some horse gear. We were leaving town before he remembered the list and I told him not to worry we'll get them next time , he turned around and we went back and got them. 
I need a new computer, this one is held together with duct tape and has had so many things Frankensteined from other computers it's amazing it still turns on, oh wait it doesn't, the switch has died. I have the money, I've been saving for a while, just need to convince myself to BUY it.

I think this all comes from an absolute hate of debt, I paid cash for my first house (I was 18), then I got married. My ex made it nearly impossible to keep out of debt, never credit cards or loans, it was all on account with local businesses. He was working in the local hardware store at one stage and would bring stuff home every night, stuff we just did not need. We ended up owing them thousands, it was a nightmare. 
He did the same thing all the years I ran a business, the business was hugely successful but he would spend so fast I barely kept up. He'd buy from our suppliers, there was always stuff on top of orders that I hadn't budgeted for. He always blamed me for our business just making do. I don't think I was truly aware of what he was doing at the time, rose coloured glasses and all that. Now when I look back it makes my blood boil, all that hard work and no where near enough to show for it. 
I made ends meet by going without, now I'm conditioned to it. Not a bad thing really but I wish I could make myself buy a few luxuries, or just make life a bit easier.


----------



## invision

TheLazyL said:


> For one month write down every purchase you make.
> 
> At the end of the month total it all up.
> 
> Then look at the list of items you bought. How many of those items were wants? Are you still glad you bought them or do you now wish you had the money for something else?
> 
> You can't save if you don't know where your money is going.


Your absolutely right... When we were paying down the credit cards, I moved to using my debit card only... Then I could use my online banking application to show me graphs and charts of where I spent my money - and I could drill down into a category to see a year, quarter, month, week's worth of transactions... Our biggest expenditure was eating out at the time...


----------



## tleeh1

We're debt-free, which is an amazing feeling. House was paid off in 10 yrs by always making extra principal payments each month, and putting any tax returns toward the principal each year (instead of blowing it on a toy). Both vehicles are paid for -- but I'm thinking I'm gonna need a new one here soon (mine just turned 120,000). We have 4 credit cards between us, but generally carry a $0 balance -- use them for online purchases, travel, emergency purchases (tires for a vehicle, etc). And we have more than a 6mo cash reserve. We worked at it hard for the past 10 years, and did without a lot of 'toys', but it was worth it.

For me, I take $200 cash out each month for 'mad money' -- that includes any lunches out, non-essential goodies I want, etc., but when that's gone, no more fun for the rest of the month. All the gas, groceries, etc get paid for with a debit card or cash. I still write an occasional check (property taxes, odd stuff like that), but just about everything we do is cash 'n' carry. It's the only way to go.


----------



## invision

tleeh1 said:


> We're debt-free, which is an amazing feeling. House was paid off in 10 yrs by always making extra principal payments each month, and putting any tax returns toward the principal each year (instead of blowing it on a toy). Both vehicles are paid for -- but I'm thinking I'm gonna need a new one here soon (mine just turned 120,000). We have 4 credit cards between us, but generally carry a $0 balance -- use them for online purchases, travel, emergency purchases (tires for a vehicle, etc). And we have more than a 6mo cash reserve. We worked at it hard for the past 10 years, and did without a lot of 'toys', but it was worth it.
> 
> For me, I take $200 cash out each month for 'mad money' -- that includes any lunches out, non-essential goodies I want, etc., but when that's gone, no more fun for the rest of the month. All the gas, groceries, etc get paid for with a debit card or cash. I still write an occasional check (property taxes, odd stuff like that), but just about everything we do is cash 'n' carry. It's the only way to go.


Congrats!

I noticed one thing, you keep the cards active for "just in case" - very smart... Even with a 6 month reserve, I think it is wise to have them on hand - active.


----------



## The_Blob

*honestly curious*

An observation I've been making with increasing frequency:

I'm not trying to poop in the cornflakes here, and it might be slightly off-topic; but if you're in a marriage/partnership/relationship/whatever with someone AND you have a mine vs. yours mentality regarding finances/assets/debts... maybe you need to reevaluate just exactly WHY you're 'together' and what that 'being together' actually means.

I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm curious because it seems financial issues are the leading cause of relationship stress and are statistically the largest % when a reason is given why a marriage has failed (in the U.S.A.).

This from someone who's single (and probably will be for a long long time)...


----------



## dixiemama

My grandparents had separate accounts bc although they were the same age, they were from very different economic backgrounds (I've yet to figure out how they got together, they clearly weren't in the same circles). My grandma was one of 5 daughters of a coal miner (no brothers to help) so she literally grew up dirt poor. My grandfather grew up downtown, his parents were well off (owned coal company and coal royalties at other property, RR engineer, electrician, etc.). Money gave my grandma 3rd degree burns if she had it. She spent more than she shld have so they split their finances early in their relationship. Each had their own vehicle, split the bills and groceries. 

My grandmother passed with a large estate, but grandpas is far larger due to his frugality. He will buy way more food than he can use in a reasonable amount of time and reportions it, even loaves of bread. They were married 46 years. 

Sent from my MB886 using Survival Forum mobile app


----------



## invision

The_Blob said:


> An observation I've been making with increasing frequency:
> 
> I'm not trying to poop in the cornflakes here, and it might be slightly off-topic; but if you're in a marriage/partnership/relationship/whatever with someone AND you have a mine vs. yours mentality regarding finances/assets/debts... maybe you need to reevaluate just exactly WHY you're 'together' and what that 'being together' actually means.
> 
> I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm curious because it seems financial issues are the leading cause of relationship stress and are statistically the largest % when a reason is given why a marriage has failed (in the U.S.A.).
> 
> This from someone who's single (and probably will be for a long long time)...


Well, we have 3 accounts - 1) my business account - which I also use for personal use 2) a joint account and 3) her account. When we play cards - she has her bankroll and I have mine. Hers comes from her account, and mine from the business account... If either has to be spotted during a game - we owe the other 100% back that was borrowed plus 50% of winnings... Everything we own is jointly owned... Every bill is paid out of the joint account, and we both contribute to it equal every month, with an extra $1000 each going into it for "rainy day needs"...

It makes it easier in some ways, I wanted a new Les Paul this winter, I didn't ask, I just used my debit card for my business account and paid for it... She wanted some new clothes and a purse, she paid out of her account... That way she doesn't complain about me dropping $2,000 on a guitar and I don't complain about her spending $1500 on shoes and clothes and dropping $750 on a purse...

One side note, she is on my business account, and I am on her checking account - I just never touch hers and she never touches mine... But "just in case" aka my heart attack habit, we need to have that access...


----------



## Wellrounded

The_Blob said:


> An observation I've been making with increasing frequency:
> 
> I'm not trying to poop in the cornflakes here, and it might be slightly off-topic; but if you're in a marriage/partnership/relationship/whatever with someone AND you have a mine vs. yours mentality regarding finances/assets/debts... maybe you need to reevaluate just exactly WHY you're 'together' and what that 'being together' actually means.
> 
> I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm curious because it seems financial issues are the leading cause of relationship stress and are statistically the largest % when a reason is given why a marriage has failed (in the U.S.A.).
> 
> This from someone who's single (and probably will be for a long long time)...


There are so many reasons why couples keep their finances separate.

In my younger years when I was newly married to my first husband I would have seen divided finances as a failing. In the 20 years we were together I never had one cent to spend, he spent it. I was allowed to spend a few hundred dollars a year on clothes for myself and the kids. He bought what ever he felt like buying. Life was miserable for me. I still have trouble spending money on myself.

Fast forward to hubby no. 2, he loves it when I finally spend some money . 
We have an interesting division of finances, he has a debt from a previous life that he pays for out of his money. He pays all the regular bills as his money management skills are not as good as mine, they are taken out of his account and he never sees the $$$. I buy all the other stuff, food, prepping needs, stock feeds, fertiliser, tools etc etc. I can smell a bargain 100 miles away and can make my dollars go a long, long way. We don't really even discuss money, it's not a 'thing' in our relationship at all.

On the other hand I had an Aunty that was terminally ill, right up to her last few days her not very nice husband would bring in her cheque book so that she would pay her half of the bills. Amazing.

It takes all sorts.

Edit: first paragraph sounds like I'm contradicting myself  I should have said he would allow me to pick out some clothes and HE would hand over the cash.


----------



## dixiemama

E an I have a joint account. I have a trust fund that I will not have access to until my grandpa passes. Since he's been off, he handles groceries and food preps since he can keep a better eye on it. We discuss every purchase. 

Sent from my MB886 using Survival Forum mobile app


----------



## crabapple

Wellrounded,
My mother was in the same financial marriage you started out in.
When I got married, my wife had a BS & made much more then I did.
She paid about half the bills & I paid the other half, we bought large items together.
She spend about $10,000, as mad money, some of it on me & the children.
I now make more then her & pay about 2/3 of the bills, but paid all when she was out with a broken foot.
A woman needs her on line of credit & that comes from paying bills in her name.
That is why my wife name in on the home loan & home insurance along with mine.
If I die tomorrow then she will need the credit line & it is my job to leave her as well off as possible. Storage of food is good, but until TSHTF we need to do our best in this life as well.


----------

