# I'm out of the good stuff.



## Magus (Dec 1, 2008)

So here's the bad stuff, a collection of dumb sh!t I did on my way to becoming a survivalist:

Back in the day, prince Albert and Velvet pipe tobacco came in these neat reusable tins which were perfect for short term survival kits, in each one I had a signal mirror, two industrial razor blades, a magnifying glass, FFF powder for fire starter, waxed matches, a fishing kit and sutures, band aids,and a cheap but serviceable pocket knife. I made it a point to get mom [I was still a kid then]
to sew a special pocket into each of my hunting vests just for said kit. One year I got this brand new but ugly as hell day glow orange hunting vest for my birthday and figured WTF, I have to wear it now, it's the law. so I broke it in squirrel hunting. guess who flayed their hand skinning a tree rat and hadn't taken the time to put a kit in his vest?

Packing for the retarded:
My bros decided it would be a test of how [email protected]@ss we were by going on a no grub survival hike. Our plans were well..WHAT PLAN?! our ride down to the river was supposed to come back and get us next day, but he got drunk and forgot about us, so there we were, no food, no drinking water we trusted and only me with a blanket and extra jacket, about dark of the second miserable day we decided he wasn't coming and started to hike out, now here's what NOT TO FXXING EVER BRING ON A SURVIVAL HIKE!
A guitar
a ghetto grade boom box.
A complete cassette collection of every song ever made.
two more fishing rods than needed.
a chainsaw.
6, yes SIX fully loaded firearms and 300 rounds of ammo EACH.
multiple axes/hatchets.
Multiple machetes.
A Highlander Katana.
at least a hundred Kamandai and superman comic books.
Well, what the hell.kids have to learn.

The blizzard of 93'
Had food, beer, soda, smokes, flashlights and radio. guess who was stupid enough to think they could drink melted snow without filtering/boiling it? guess who went through a month's worth of toilet paper in a week? I lost a few pounds BUT you could no longer say I was full of sh!t!

That's the three that stand out, other than maybe my habit of burning down caves and pissing off the local FD. word to the wise, Indiana Jones might look cool with his pine splint torch, you'll look like a *******.USE A DAMN HEAD LAMP+FLASHLIGHT!

More to come.


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## TimB (Nov 11, 2008)

After the last few days, I needed a good laugh. 
One thing I am curious about- how do you burn down a cave? :laugh:


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## Magus (Dec 1, 2008)

Caves are full of leaves, century old bird nests, rat nests, the firewood the Indians carted in a century back, thoroughly dried bat guano and other animal crap,
ALL THOROUGHLY FLAMMABLE I can assure you.


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## Caribou (Aug 18, 2012)

Okay, It's Indiana Magus from here on out.


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## Balls004 (Feb 28, 2015)

Those were some funny stories, thanks for the laughs. The take away from your stories though is that you learned something from each story. Those lessons you never, ever forget!


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## Country Living (Dec 15, 2009)

I lost it at the guitar.... I needed several minutes to quit laughing so hard my sides hurt before I could finish the post. Hysterical.... well... from this side of the fence. It certainly gives room for thought! Could have happened to any of us...no, not really... their packing for the survival hike was a one of a kind event (_should have been_ one of a kind event). Hopefully all of us have learned from our young and reckless stage of life. Or, maybe not.


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## Tirediron (Jul 12, 2010)

people are much easier to teach once they find out their experts had some trouble along the way.


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## Magus (Dec 1, 2008)

More from the F-up files. these aren't mine, but I was there:

Need a laxative? forget to clean your water purifier before use.

Want to wreck your dry goods? forget to sanitize your gallon jars with boiling water! Mmmm Meal bugs and mold!

Want to lose your ammo supply? use that crap they use in dehumidifier instead of silica gel or oxygen eaters.it corrodes right through brass AND lacquered steel cases.

Want to have REALLY,REALLY BAD things happen while deer hunting? soak your fancy new hunting outfit in "Doe in heat" This being a family board, I can't tell the story.

Want to have UBER BAD things happen? let a bottle of the stuff get down in the heater of your hunting truck and have your wife/fiancee/best babe be in there driving when it heats up and spews!

And beyond all else, when Bubba says: "Hold my beer and watch this" call 911 while you're running the opposite direction.

Want to wreck your camping trip? let the group idiot pitch an "empty" can of starting fluid in the fire! Smokey will NEVER be your friend!

Want to hurt for days and possibly lose the entire sole of your foot? break in your box-new boots on a ten mile hike!

more eventually.


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## Magus (Dec 1, 2008)

Try this:"Tales of the blizzard of 93' "
Knows a blizzard of epic proportions is coming, buys lottery ticket, a pack of Marlboro's, and a 6 pack of Pepsi,
then bums off of me for the duration. gets mad when I tell her to sleep on the couch because there's not enough
wood to heat both our trailers. {I'm NOT sleeping with my brother's wife! and besides, she's a b1tch!}

Spends money for new tires on video game console, guess who we pull out of the ditch?

AND NOW..THE EPIC SHOW CLOSER!
Dude lives in a school bus, has food, has beer/water/soda, etc etc.. cuts wood for a living..lets a dead tree cut his bus in half on day three.


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## VoorTrekker (Oct 7, 2012)

Magus said:


> ...AND NOW..THE EPIC SHOW CLOSER!
> Dude lives in a school bus, has food, has beer/water/soda, etc etc.. cuts wood for a living..lets a dead tree cut his bus in half on day three...


...day three...? this is the story we want to hear.


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## Magus (Dec 1, 2008)

Ah yes, dear old Uncle Fred built himself a "MAN CAVE" in a school bus. he was making used tire picture frames or something at the time..
ANYWAY, on day two the winds started. the frozen, ice and snow covered trees began snapping off like dry twigs all around us. this one
stupid dead pine he'd been putting off cutting for two years ended up in his man-cave about dawn on day three. Luckily he was with his wife at the time.


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## RossA (Oct 9, 2008)

So for those of us who never see snow...
I always figured that snow comes out of the sky and is basically clean when it hits the ground. Never knew you had to boil/treat it before drinking.


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