# Some New Rules For 2009..............



## Backwoods (Oct 27, 2008)

New Rules For 2009. Feel free to add any more to this since I'm sure I missed a few............

New Rule: Stop giving me those pop-up ads for classmates.com. There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 or 30 years. It's because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days He's mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out of a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain, caviar?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket: Water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it, it doesn't make you spiritual and BTW In case you didn't know it translates to "chicken with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes, graduations and getting out of rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?" 

There...............I feel better now...........


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## vikx (Nov 13, 2008)

I'm LOL! Great. VK


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## The_Blob (Dec 24, 2008)

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling..

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. < SPAN>

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

wow, I feel better now too


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## TimB (Nov 11, 2008)

The_Blob said:


> SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


Got to disagree with you there (just a little  ). My wife and I dated 2 months before I proposed and we were married about a month later. We've been married now a little over 28 years- some rough times but good for the most part.  I wouldn't trade her for anything. I know we are probably the exception but it does happen. 

Tim


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## skip (Dec 13, 2008)

TimB said:


> Got to disagree with you there (just a little  ). My wife and I dated 2 months before I proposed and we were married about a month later. We've been married now a little over 28 years- some rough times but good for the most part.  I wouldn't trade her for anything. I know we are probably the exception but it does happen.
> 
> Tim


We gotcha beat. My wife and I went out three weeks before she proposed to me (sorta)!


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## Magus (Dec 1, 2008)

good stuff!rofl seagulls,lol


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## Tex (Oct 31, 2008)

skip said:


> We gotcha beat. My wife and I went out three weeks before she proposed to me (sorta)!


We sorta have you beat. My wife and I were pen pals before we got married. We wrote each other for 4 months before we met. Less than a year later we were married. We lived over 500 miles from each other from the day we met until the day we married. She was so nervous(sick and throwing up) that we canceled the Honeymoon cruise to the Bahamas and spent it at her parents house. She cried all the way to New Mexico(where I was stationed in the USAF), but she stuck with it and we have been married 17 years and have 3 boys.


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## skip (Dec 13, 2008)

Still gotcha. Been married 32 years, with two kids, and three gandkids


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## Turkish (Oct 3, 2008)

Tex, you guys decided to meet up after being pen pals and it was love at first site?

Love yall's new rules for 2009! I have to disagree with the tattoo/piercing remark though somewhat. I agree you shouldn't be covered in either/or but they are becoming more and more acceptable in this Obamanation. People are becoming more open-minded all over the world and I think it will only progress. I am very thankful for that because I think that different is beautiful!


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## endurance (Nov 26, 2008)

I gotcha all beat! I proposed to my girlfriend on our fifth date after knowing each other for nine days. Tomorrow will be our 18th wedding anniversary. 


...it will also be our 15 1/2th divorce anniversary. ...sometimes there is a happy ending! LOL


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## The_Blob (Dec 24, 2008)

I know a guy who was with a gal for 18 years & then they got married... they divorced 1 year & 1 day later, just so she could take him for 1/2... very messy


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## endurance (Nov 26, 2008)

I've heard some hideous divorce stories that are similar. The worst is that Colorado is a no-fault state, but a friend, after getting caught cheating (they both were and everybody knew it), she moved back home to Iowa, a fault state. He stayed here for a couple months, then she begged him to come out to start over. He left his job as a county court judge, put the house on the market and drove out with the movers close behind. The house sold in four weeks, after a month, they'd established residency in Iowa and she filed for divorce based on his infidelity and got everything!

That's evil incarnate! He eventually moved back to Colorado, but ten years later hasn't been able to get appointed as a judge. He's still working as a deputy DA, just trying to get back to where he was.


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## Canadian (Dec 14, 2008)

A guy could do the exact same thing. Marry a rich woman and get divorced and take half of her stuff.


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## The_Blob (Dec 24, 2008)

Canadian said:


> A guy could do the exact same thing. Marry a rich woman and get divorced and take half of her stuff.


theoretically, but the few times THAT happens just reinforces (to me) the way things usually work out


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## Turkish (Oct 3, 2008)

Funny that he was a judge before.

I love that, actually.


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## bassman (Jan 3, 2009)

Hey Skip,
When you say "sorta" do you mean her daddy was standing there holding a shotgun? 
(A joke, don't take it personal)


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