# Preppers relationships



## sinbad (Oct 27, 2009)

One of the subjects that find its way in any prepredness ( survival ) forum is the position of our loved ones ( SO, spouse, family ..etc. ) from prepredness . Do they support or see it as a silly thing. 

It occured to me a few times that man and woman relationship is somewhat special and not like our relation with parents or brothers/sister. We can easily ignore their position re: prepredness if need be, but not really easy to ignore the man/women in our lives. Some are lucky or blessed to have like-minded SO, but not all of us are as lucky. 

So, do you think if your are serious in a relationship that you should discuss prepdness as a make or break factor in a relatyionship ? Would you like to have a Preppers dating service where only preppers can try find future partners ? Or at least add ( prepper or not ) category like ( smoker or not ) to help fine tune your search for the perfect spouse ? Isn't it worth it to avoid lots of stress and unnecessary tensions ? Having a less than interested wife with many negative comments, I really wish others be blessed with the correct type. 

It is sometimes philosophical but nevertheles thought provoking when I read a post written by a lady prepper with a non prepper husband, and next post a prepper husband with a non-prepper wife . The silly question popps in my mind : what if these 2 preppers married each other, and the 2 non-preppers married each other ? The world would have fewer stressed households. 

I know it is silly and maybe childish but ...


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## Lake Windsong (Nov 27, 2009)

*Perspective*

IMO, even if you searched for someone with the EXACT same beliefs/goals, there would still be some other difference that would take it's place in the rank and file of importance. But, who wants someone exactly like themselves? I'm good at bargain stockpiling, cooking from scratch, and construction. He's a good mechanic, barterer, and good at construction. Now even if being a good construction worker was of #1 importance to both of us in finding a good partner, eventually I might expect him to make some biscuits and maybe he'd think I should've gotten a better deal at the flea market...and it could go downhill from there,  simply because we are focused on our differences instead of our common goals. :kiss:
Uber simple example, but do you see what I mean? A matter of perspective...

The most important attribute in a partner--that's something different for all of us. In a SHTF situation, community support and a good relationship with the people around me is something I feel is very important. Because WTSHTF,there will be enough craziness to deal with and I'd rather be working together than arguing.


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## sinbad (Oct 27, 2009)

I didn't mean searching for a carbon copy. What I meant is to find someone who also believes in being prepared like I do. It is a real pain to receive negative comments from your partner every time you buy some preps or try out something to polish your skills.

I envy guys or gals who have the right partner who supports preparedness efforts . Receiving ridicule and negative comments really sucks, and if it is long term, it is a survival situation in itself. If time would run 25 years back, I would have emphasized ( being prepared ) insead of ( beautiful ) .



> I'm good at bargain stockpiling, cooking from scratch, and construction. He's a good mechanic, barterer, and good at construction.


Ahhhhh ~~~
I just wish we were like that 
Maybe after another 25 years LOL

Oh, I have to add this 
Even for non-prep minded folks, I think they should look for "non-prep" partners like themselves. No point of marrying and wasting the life of someone who chooses to be prepared. A gal who chooses to spend all her money on tarvel.entertainment, or latest electronic gadgets for example, should marry a like minded guy. And if SHTF they have each other to try to figure out what to do.


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## sinbad (Oct 27, 2009)

When you look down near the end of this page, you see "similar threads". From these you see that prep folks try to "hook up" with groups of like minded people. 

This makes sense. But it makes more sense to very carefully choose the perosn who shares with you everything, from pantry to bed. If you choose wrongly, the partner may even be a an obstacle against you joining prepredness groups.

At the very least, when you stockpile a few cans of rice and beans, a wrong partner will tell EVERYONE what kind of nut they have married, and how many cans of rice you have stockpiled.  

If you find yourself stuck with such a negative partner, make sure you more duct tape rolls. It will help you taping someone mouth, and perhaps their arms and legs. LOL j/k


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## NaeKid (Oct 17, 2008)

I was married to the wrong person. Everything that I did was wrong in her eyes and when she told her friends and coworkers all the things I did wrong, she always made things out to be even worse / horrible.

After she left, some of her coworkers came to me and asked me about different stories that she told them. I described the day and situation, I told them what I said, I explained my actions and reasoning and every single one of those coworkers let me know that my story had truth and honesty - her stories always rung the wrong bell with them.

So, sinbad - you are very right. When you hook up with someone, whether for a short time or long time - always find someone that is truthful, honest, a hard-worker and someone who is fully compatible.


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## Expeditioner (Jan 6, 2009)

naekid said:


> when you hook up with someone, whether for a short time or long time - always find someone that is truthful, honest, a hard-worker and someone who is fully compatible.


amen!!!!!!!!


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## TechAdmin (Oct 1, 2008)

NaeKid said:


> always find someone that is truthful, honest, a hard-worker and someone who is fully compatible.


The same could be said about all of life's relationships.


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## Kriket (Dec 9, 2009)

I see what you are saying. Now that my DH is more of a 'prepper' mindset I feel like we can work as a team. This is especially important that we've had our first kid. It's important to be on the same page when raising children.

If it important to you then do look for a spouse with those qualities. Like many people won't date or marry outside their religion. DH is a radical atheist, and I am an agnostic. It doesn't bother either of us that the other has different views on religion. 

Atheist and agnostics may seem the same but they aren't I can assure you. Atheist view agnostic the same way religious folk view us. There is no love for the agnostic.


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## Vertigo (Aug 6, 2009)

Kriket said:


> Atheist and agnostics may seem the same but they aren't I can assure you. Atheist view agnostic the same way religious folk view us. There is no love for the agnostic.


Don't worry, there are plenty of agnostic's out there. I for one feel it is one of the most humble and peaceful beliefs one can have.

V.


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## sinbad (Oct 27, 2009)

I think that the less differences the better . 
For example, if I marry someone from a different culture/religion/continent ..etc. there is more chance for conflict. And when we are faced with hard times, it is the wrong time to be fighting on religious, cultural or whatever differences. 

Off course, many have married someone from the other side of the planet and had happy lives. But for me being a practical guy, I just do not want MORE chances of potential conflicts. 

My DW is from the same culture as I am , even from same hometown and even then we have different views about prepping and other stuff. So, marrying someone from another continent is , possibly like asking for more time of arguing and less time of prepping. 


Sometimes I think we should only consider marriage AFTER being 50 so that we have this kind of wisdom. Being young sometimes we allow other factors to blind us like beauty or bank accounts.


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## Jason (Jul 25, 2009)

My wife was apparently not to concerned with looks, and DEFINATELY not using a bank account as her driving factor in choosing me as a mate.


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## sinbad (Oct 27, 2009)

I hear ya Jason. I didnt have looks or money either . She told her sister at that time she didnt like how I looked. She din't like my car either LOL  But Murphy has his ways LOL. 

Now, after all these years of ups and downs, she knows she has married a pragmatic, serious (sometimes cold) guy. And I know I have married a very emotional (often illogical) wife. Sometimes we just ignore our differences, and often we become a copy of Laurel & Hardy. In general, we try to make it work in anyway possible.

Back to the main subject. 
A married couple is the smallest and tightest "prep group" there is. And whatever rules apply to prep groups, they are more important in case of man/woman couple. You can alaways leave a prep group and join another, but leaving a marriage isn't that easy, practical, or even desireable.


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## zorro (May 6, 2009)

sinbad said:


> Now, after all these years of ups and downs, she knows she has married a pragmatic, serious (sometimes cold) guy. And I know I have married a very emotional (often illogical) wife. Sometimes we just ignore our differences, and often we become a copy of Laurel & Hardy. In general, we try to make it work in anyway possible.


 I'm too a quite cold, logic oriented person. I believe we are there because we where born and we will some day die and return to dust, that's it. And I'm happy with that. I just want to live as long as I can because I really enjoy all the small pleasures of life.

My current boyfriend is my second one. Unless he turns totally crazy like my previous one's did, I will stay with him as long as he wants me to. I often joke with my best male friend (anyways, I have no female friend) that my boyfriend is like a woman. But that's OK, he brings some fantasy, spontaneity and I would say "lightness" to my serious life. Plus, he is a happy follower (I like to take decisions) and a deep believer even if he still doesn't know what exactly he believes in (during hard times, some believers around are beneficial as they are more likely to follow without arguing if you are wise enough to exploit their faith in you). So we are compatible even if complete opposites and live a happy life.

My boyfriend is not interested in preparedness and think it's silly. So I stopped talking preparedness and I started presenting it as self-sufficiency (the garden, rabbits and various skills to learn) and camping gear (the survival kit) because he likes these two subjects. May seem crazy, but it worked that way


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## NaeKid (Oct 17, 2008)

** Warning - upcoming tangent **

zorro - would you consider yourself to be a serial-monogamist with your trading up of partners? As you describe yourself as a logical person, it would make sense to be a serial monogamist and setting up "term relationships". I also am a fairly analytical / logical person and would generally classify myself as a serial monogamist due to my nature.

I don't believe in "love" as the mushy feeling - I believe in respect for the person that I am with and when I am not with them, if they were a good person with me, I will continue to respect them and will continue to be friends with them even after the "relationship" ends. If / When it is time to continue our separate paths, I hope to stay connected with the person who was my partner for a time - not hanging onto the past, but, understanding that things and needs change and sometimes the person I was with was not ready to move with myself.


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## zorro (May 6, 2009)

NaeKid said:


> ** Warning - upcoming tangent **
> zorro - would you consider yourself to be a serial-monogamist


Hum, I guess this is not the thread subject, but I'll answer your question: no. I consider myself as a _widow_ (continue reading to understand) which is now in a second relationship. I was really in love with my first boyfriend for 10 years and the only reason we didn't married is we where both _not_ part of any religious group. He became so badly mentally sick that is mind has literally been killed. You could no longer even have a discussion with him. For 3 years, I hanged up until the doctors and psychologists made me understand that his mind would not heal. Plus he was threatening my life. So I had to give up.

Before that, I didn't understand people who could not set their mind to un-plug their relatives who where maintained in life artificially for years and their cerebral activity was death. Now I understand: when you see the body of the person looking alive, it's very very hard for your own mind to understand/accept that the person's mind is no longer alive. But you have to at some point, because you, yourself, have a life to live.

As my current relationship, I did fell in love literally, even if I had tough it would be impossible to happen again. I'm not married because as I don't "believe", I see no use paying for such an event. See, that's an example why most people consider me "cold" (not wanting to spend 3000$ for an evening with family/friends). Also, understand that I'm engaged in a lifelong relationship unless my loved one become insane (as I now know these things _do_ happen not only to other peoples) or dies.


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## TechAdmin (Oct 1, 2008)

Zorro you and I are to far a part in how we see things.


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## Turtle (Dec 10, 2009)

My wife and I met in high school, about fifteen years ago. We were always good friends, even dated a bit, then lost touch for several years. She was married for a very short time, I was engaged to someone else . . . We have often said that it really stinks that we wasted several years being with other people, but those years spent apart shaped us into the people that we are now, and had we seriously dated when we were teenagers, we would almost definitely not be together now. I know I would have made some stupid boy mistake, and screwed it up. It took years of figuring out what we _didn't_ want before we could really identify what we _did_ want and need in a relationship.

That said, my wife is not a fan of the "survivalist" sub-culture. Whackos in "compounds" spring to mind when I use that term. She is okay with the idea of being "prepared" for things, as long as I don't go overboard. Not sure how she would feel about an underground bunker, for instance, but she is okay with me keeping stockpiles of things, "just in case."

So, some of the debates you guys are having with your partners may simply be arguing of semantics. One man's "Nut-case survivalist" may be another's "Outdoor enthusiast". My wife knows that I keep a machete and a hatchet in my Jeep, along with first-aid kits, emergency stores, extra clothes, folding shovel, tools, etcetera . . . that's just being prepared for Jeeping, or camping, or getting stranded somewhere. To some, that may seem paranoid, but she has seen me use all of that stuff at various points while Jeeping, camping, or getting stuck somewhere, so it makes sense.


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## NaeKid (Oct 17, 2008)

zorro said:


> Hum, I guess this is not the thread subject, but I'll answer your question: no. I consider myself as a _widow_ (continue reading to understand) which is now in a second relationship. I was really in love with my first boyfriend for 10 years and the only reason we didn't married is we where both _not_ part of any religious group. He became so badly mentally sick that is mind has literally been killed. You could no longer even have a discussion with him. For 3 years, I hanged up until the doctors and psychologists made me understand that his mind would not heal. Plus he was threatening my life. So I had to give up.


Sorry for bringing up a very horrible part of your life - that wasn't my intention. The only reason I asked was because of the quote:



zorro said:


> I'm too a quite cold, logic oriented person. I believe we are there because we where born and we will some day die and return to dust, that's it. And I'm happy with that. I just want to live as long as I can because I really enjoy all the small pleasures of life.


... many logical people either cannot or will not lock themselves into a relationship for life.


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## Jendeere (Jul 10, 2009)

Turtle said:


> That said, my wife is not a fan of the "survivalist" sub-culture. Whackos in "compounds" spring to mind when I use that term. She is okay with the idea of being "prepared" for things, as long as I don't go overboard. Not sure how she would feel about an underground bunker, for instance, but she is okay with me keeping stockpiles of things, "just in case."
> 
> So, some of the debates you guys are having with your partners may simply be arguing of semantics. One man's "Nut-case survivalist" may be another's "Outdoor enthusiast". My wife knows that I keep a machete and a hatchet in my Jeep, along with first-aid kits, emergency stores, extra clothes, folding shovel, tools, etcetera . . . that's just being prepared for Jeeping, or camping, or getting stranded somewhere. To some, that may seem paranoid, but she has seen me use all of that stuff at various points while Jeeping, camping, or getting stuck somewhere, so it makes sense.


My husband reminds me of your wife He doesn't mind me being "prepared" but he drew the line at me wanting to buy plastic sheeting, which I still will at some point. I asked for a root cellar and he thought I was nuts, so I know an underground bunker is out (for now). My husband willingly lugs in packages of preparedness supplies but doesn't want anything to do with the actual planning part of my preparedness plans, if that makes any sense. Part of that may be that he knows I have prepared for everything I can think of and so that leaves nothing for him to worry about. We aren't equally matched as far as preparedness goes, but I feel like we are a pretty good team overall. He can fix virtually anything, and can keep his head in any situation.


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## Todays Survival Show (Nov 23, 2009)

IMHO, it's hard to find someone with the exact same set of beliefs. Not impossible, but hard. But 2 people hopefully learn to respect each other's beliefs and actually learn from them. Even when the subject is NOT prepping, how many people are in complete agreement with their spouse or significant other? 

Ideally it's great if your spouse is on board with you, but if not...with the right example you set and some gentle persuasion, you may find that they appreciate your thoughts and preps and might at least meet you half way.


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## ZoomZoom (Dec 18, 2009)

Mrs. Zoom doesn't seem to mind _but she doesn't know exactly how prepared we are as I fear she would slap me for some of the things I have (e.g. body armor for every member of the family which got pretty pricey)._

I asked her to stock the pantry and keep our general provisions well stocked and she did so without question or hesitation.

Whenever something has gone wrong in the past (ice storms, floods, extended power outages, downed trees...), the whole neighborhood seems to look to me and Mrs. Zoom noticed that. First, I get the family taken care of (power, water...) _which is pretty quick_ then I distribute generators or whatever to take care of neighbors.


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## SaskBound (Feb 13, 2010)

I am one of the lucky ones 

My husband has never been all that enthusiastic about 'survivalism' and says he isn't into it. He gets mental images of nutcases in camo gear, clutching their weapons in bunkers full of rice.

BUT my husband likes camping, and wanted to live on a farm. He thinks raising our own food is a good idea, including larger livestock like goats, cattle, and/or pigs. Stockpiles make sense to him. He likes the comfort and convenience of always having plenty around. He is frugal by nature, and doesn't care to keep up with the Jonses. My husband would rather drive an older, easy-to-fix car that was paid for in cash, than something flashy and financed. He is very supportive of all my crazy hobbies, and is a huge help with the canning.

So, even though he says he's not a survivalist or a prepper, he is a great match for one. 

We're almost exact opposites, by the way, in almost every outward / observable sense, but we have the same values and goals in life. I'm really very lucky to have him.


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## ditzyjan56 (Oct 3, 2009)

This reminds me of when I got ready to get married and the pastor insisted on talking to each of us, then talking to us together. He said we did well in a variety of areas but differed greatly in how to raise children and we would always be arguing over our kids. Boy was he right. You really need someone of like mindedness when things get tough. We lasted for 27 years but after about the first 10 years we really just did our own thing and made our work schedules so we rarely saw each other. Its not a way to live, either arguing or avoiding each other. I personally like being by myself for a change. Do I miss a companion yes, but better to be alone then arguing.


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## CVFD_Madman (Dec 31, 2009)

Good call, ditzyjan56, my wife and I did not go through premarital counseling and have learned some lessons (and still learning others) the hard way.

Hey, not to pull this string on a tangent [ NaeKid  ], but I couldn't find another string to discuss ways to help your partner understand your thoughts on prep and gaining their buy-in/support. I have to admit, when my wife and I go anywhere, I am the one who prepares for the protection/safety of the group. (Ironically, she's usually the one who does the planning of the trip, vacation, whatever. So, she can PLAN things, she just doesn't 'prepare' for things, if that makes any sense to y'all.) Still, I fear in a true survival situation, the knowledge & skills gap between us is huge. [Which in and of itself is scary, because I barely know my butt-hole from a dakota-hole...yikes!] I'd have to do all the work or we're hosed. She doesn't even know the basics and isn't interested in learing, though I've tried gently and lovingly to help her understand the importance of such, even to the point of us just working as a team.

SO, the point of all that rambling is this....Has anyone had any success in getting a non-interested partner to start/join/assist in prepping in any way? What did you do/use to gain their support? Thanks. If this is discussed in a different thread, let me know.


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## CVFD_Madman (Dec 31, 2009)

By the way, Jason / Sinbad, I'm with ya. I'm so ugly I made GOD scream and my wife still married me. She has what I referred to as the three " B's " important in my mate...Brains, Beauty and Bad eyesight!


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