# Child Custody in SHTF Situation?



## sleepy (Nov 12, 2011)

As my name implies I have recently awakened to the fact that I need to be prepping. However recently I have hit a bump in the road caused by divorce. While this has caused a setback materially, I have recently thought of new problem, which is how to get my child to safety in a widespread crisis. I currently have shared custody, which means I have my child 3 or 4 days a week. In the event that there is some warning before collapse I plan to simply invite the ex and her new SO to my BOL. It would be awkward but I think it be the only way the ex would come. My real concern if it is a sudden event-I would have to travel across 2 counties filled with chokepoints and it would be hairy to get there and back. I am looking for some input from those who may be in a similar situation as to what their plan is. Any counsel would be appreciated and thanks to all for knowledge that I have gained from this site!


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## Grimm (Sep 5, 2012)

Wow! I hadn't even thought about this... 

Man! I better get a good lawyer so I have full custody of Roo!


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## Bobbb (Jan 7, 2012)

sleepy said:


> I currently have shared custody, which means I have my child 3 or 4 days a week. In the event that there is some warning before collapse I plan to simply invite the ex and her new SO to my BOL. It would be awkward but I think it be the only way the ex would come.


I think that this is a bad idea. The ex and her beau are now a team and, if push comes to shove, they outnumber you. If law and order goes down the drain, you could find yourself booted out of your own BOL. Secondly, there's no guarantee that you'd end up as leader with another man, a man who is now your ex-wife's new man, engaged in a low-key, but still present, romantic contest, and with all sorts of dominance games likely to be in play in the foreground and background.

Hey, maybe I'm off-base here and it will work for you but I'm leery that it would, speaking in a general sense.

As for your child I doubt that the shared custody arrangement can survive an event which actually requires people to bug out of Dodge, so I'd bug out with my kid but let the mother know where I'm going, and that the kid is safer with me in this disaster and that post-disaster things can go back to normal. If the ex-wife has to be bugging out unprepared with her new beau and they're going to be living on the street and scrounging around for food, the ex would have to be pretty selfish to make your kid endure that rather than being safe with you in your BOL. In such a case it would, in my opinion, be better to beg forgiveness than ask for permission.

This wouldn't be child abduction because the normal rules go out the window when society is burning down around you, now it becomes a matter of survival.



> My real concern if it is a sudden event-I would have to travel across 2 counties filled with chokepoints and it would be hairy to get there and back.


You're prepared, she isn't. You're attuned to the growing seriousness of whatever the situation is, she isn't. If you see something developing, then arrange or bargain to get your kid with you in exchange for very generous terms to her in the future. If you guessed wrong and it's a false alarm, then honor the bargain you struck with her so that if another situation arises in the future she's willing to strike the same trading of visitation days.

If the situation develops suddenly and you have to drive to your kid, well that's just a burden that you can't escape, so perhaps make some plans for BOBs along the route or change your BOL to a more convenient place or have your ex meet you half way to hand over your child.


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## Sentry18 (Aug 5, 2012)

I am afraid that any answer I offer here could be used against me in a court of law after society is re-established. So all I will offer is this; based on the severity of the event, do what is best for your children and whatever will keep them safe.


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## bigg777 (Mar 18, 2013)

For the time being, I'd just keep my prepping and my thoughts/concerns to myself. Continue to do what you need, inorder to feel prepared and reflect long and hard on inviting your EX and her SO to your BOL. There are many possible outcomes to that situation - not all of them good.


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## goshengirl (Dec 18, 2010)

I spent over a decade afraid that my ex would steal my boys away (he helped his brother steal his niece and take her across state lines, so I had valid reason to be afraid). That said, while I would never have taken the boys from my ex during a legitimate visitation, if the SHTF I would not have hesitated to take them. I'm prepared (or at least more so), he's not. End of story. 

Now, there are as many different "ex" relationships as there are people who have exes. I have no idea what your relationship with you ex is like. But I can say this - your relationship with her is not going to be the same six months from now as it is today. Relationships with exes are cyclical - sometimes you get along, sometimes you don't. Even when exes hate each other there are rises and falls in that level of hatred. My point being that you don't know when the SHTF where you and your ex will be in your relationship. Will it be a good point when everyone is showing up at your child's school events like one big happy blended family? Or will it be that point in your relationship where everyone is sitting at opposite ends of the school auditorium because you can't stand the sight of each other? You don't know, and you can't plan for it.

Do what you know to be in the best interest of your child. There may be people who can work really well with their exes, but that is rare. Not because y'all are bad people, or because you hate each other, but just because you've moved on from each other and are autonomous. She's in your frame of reference only because your child may be with her when the poop starts to blow. Add to the fact that she has a SO I can guarantee that you're not in her frame of reference at all. And anything you do that involves her and her SO will likely be viewed as threatening by her SO from a territorial perspective.

So no, I don't think you can win by trying to involve your ex. Maybe it's wrong to say that - I don't know either of you, nor what your relationship is like. But I've had an ex for 15 years, and that experience colors my view. I've gone through all the stages of having an ex, being an ex, and dealing with children who belong to both. And I agree with Bobbb and Sentry. Do what's best for your child and ask forgiveness later.  

I also would never let on to the ex that I'm a prepper. That's just opening a nasty can of worms. Just keep on keeping on, prepping for your child and praying that when that moment comes that the SHTF, your child is with you. And in case he/she is not, plan a way that you will get him/her - but keep it on the QT.


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## tsrwivey (Dec 31, 2010)

I wouldn't live two counties away from my kids for a variety of reasons, one being my ability to get to them in a SHTF situation. In a SHTF situation, I would take my kids to safety by any means necessary. I'm married to my kids dad nearly 22 years, love him dearly, but I'd shoot him in a minute if he interfered with getting the kids to safety.

No way in he!! would I allow an exes SO come. No good can come of it. The ex, if I had one, could come or not but the kids would be with me.


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## BillM (Dec 29, 2010)

Possession of the kid is 9/10ths of the law .

As for the Ex-wife and the SO , they would just be on their own !

However much she once loved you, that is how much she hates you now .


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## BillS (May 30, 2011)

In a world where it's about to hit the fan I'd take custody of my child by any means necessary. I wouldn't take in my ex and her SO of the moment either.


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## IlliniWarrior (Nov 30, 2010)

to everyone on the left .... and that most certainly includes family court ..... considers preppers to be mad dog gunmen ....

you'll be lucky to get any custody if you start talking SHTFs, BOLs and bugging out .... don't discuss the subject with your ex ..... tell your kids as little as possible ..... keep everything prep involved on the down low


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## PamsPride (Dec 21, 2010)

I have custody. It was discussed during the pending divorce that the kids would be immediately brought back to my home if something happened while they were with him because I am better prepared by far and I am in a much safer location. 
Being the way the child situation is I keep my older three boys full time and he gets every other weekend with the 3 littles. If he did not bring home the littles in a timely manner I would go get them and I would bring them home...whatever that requires. I honestly don't see him not letting them come here. We have had a peaceful divorce. Could I ever live with him again....not a chance!

The issue I may be in soon is that I am moving 800 miles away and 2 of my older children may being staying here with the ex to finish school. The younger 4 will be with me. If the children come back here to visit then I will go with them. What would be best, yet awkward, is for the ex to fly out to where I will be living to visit the younger children. It would be cheaper to pay for one plane ticket for him than it would for me and the children to all fly or drive back here. There will still be times when I travel that the kids will be here with him and I will be hundreds of miles away from them. My choice is to be held hostage by the fear of the SHTF or go out and live my life. 

Food storage will be here for my older two children...and the younger children when they visit. I will be starting a new food storage at my new location. 

My older two children also know that if the SHTF and I live 800 miles away I will NOT be coming to get them. They can choose to stay here or travel to find me. My older three boys also know that if the SHTF and they are away from home I will not be going to find them. It will be their job to get back home. They are rarely a day or two walk away from home and they are responsible enough to walk on their own. The three littles, on the other hand, I would move heaven and earth to go get them and bring them home.


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## goshengirl (Dec 18, 2010)

IlliniWarrior said:


> to everyone on the left .... and that most certainly includes family court ..... considers preppers to be mad dog gunmen ....
> 
> you'll be lucky to get any custody if you start talking SHTFs, BOLs and bugging out .... don't discuss the subject with your ex ..... tell your kids as little as possible ..... keep everything prep involved on the down low


Oh my gosh, yes! I didn't even think of outsiders, which is a big oversight on my part. IlliniWarrior is absolutely right. Never give them anything they can use against you - 'they' being your ex and any governmental agency she might be in cahoots with. Because prepping will be a big strike against you, regardless of how practical it is. Counting on the government is what they see as normal, and until your child is grown, you have to appear to agree with that. Don't let your child see/know too much about what you do, either. Teach him/her practical stuff, of course (and if your child is a boy, Cub Scouts is a great front for learning/teaching practical stuff) - but don't talk about it in terms of SHTF or prepping. Just keep on keeping on, quietly knowing that you are doing what's best for your child, even if your child never knows.


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## biobacon (Aug 20, 2012)

You all have pretty much said what I think as well.


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## millertimedoneright (May 13, 2013)

Definitely go with the swapping visitation days idea cuz in the event that it returns to normal quickly ur ex can come after u with everything if u disobeyed the court ordered custody agreement...tell ur ex that u have recently stored an extra "months" worth of food so in the event something goes down she will feel comfortable with the children being with u instead of her...never say ur "prepping"...just say ur storing a little extra food and stuff for power outages or storms...people who prepare for storms are smart individuals who think ahead while on the other hand preppers are nutjobs in the eye of the public and government...


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## sleepy (Nov 12, 2011)

Thanks for all the input! Alot of food for thought !Having read all the replies I think that the best course of action is to keep doing what I have been doing, which is be extremely polite, while keep my head down and my mouth shut! Nothing to see here, just a normal slob content with American Idol and Mtv! LOL


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## IlliniWarrior (Nov 30, 2010)

goshengirl said:


> Oh my gosh, yes! I didn't even think of outsiders, which is a big oversight on my part. IlliniWarrior is absolutely right. Never give them anything they can use against you - 'they' being your ex and any governmental agency she might be in cahoots with. Because prepping will be a big strike against you, regardless of how practical it is. Counting on the government is what they see as normal, and until your child is grown, you have to appear to agree with that. Don't let your child see/know too much about what you do, either. Teach him/her practical stuff, of course (and if your child is a boy, Cub Scouts is a great front for learning/teaching practical stuff) - but don't talk about it in terms of SHTF or prepping. Just keep on keeping on, quietly knowing that you are doing what's best for your child, even if your child never knows.


almost everyday now the news has something about parents being investigated because of kids & guns ....

currently there's a posting on another prep site ..... a parent being investigated thru her kid's grade school teacher's complaint .... the kid went to school and was talking about a parent supervised squirrel hunt with his 22 cal rifle .... the teacher heard it and immediately reported it to the DCFS .... child abuse ....

you start throwing in "DoomsDay Preppers" talk and you are headed to a lifetime of court supervision ....


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